My family will soon be having a party to celebrate a milestone. I agreed to pay for and cater the meal. Last night, mom and I got to talking details, as the date is around the corner. I wanted to insure nothing changed. When I initially agreed, she said that there wouldn’t be more than 20 people, even if it resulted in hurt feelings. Upon inquiring, she caught me off guard by saying that yes, 30 will be there. I know, 20 versus 30. I am also aware that the house where this will take place has an outdoor area. She was getting upset, and more so when I pointed out that I thought there would only be 20 people, not 30 and that it went against guidelines.

Here is where the conversation went south. She said that yes, all 30 will be there, but that everyone will be careful at all times. I then asked if the house was big enough to separate us by the recommended distance and she did not answer. Instead, getting passive aggressive by saying that no one would be mad if I did not go, that the guest of honor would understand. She did this in that voice, you know the one where people act sickly sweet when they are feeling anything but? I was getting pissed off at this point. I kept my cool and all I said was that it made me nervous to fly there and attend knowing this. I was unable to further voice my reasoning as she went on to lay the guilt trip. Saying how she wants to see me but that my life is more important. That she would feel bad if I got sick. And that I shouldn’t go if I don’t want, again stating that no one would be mad. She was sounding less sweet now. I politely disengaged and ended the conversation as to avoid arguing.

So here I am, feeling like an asshole. To be fair, I was not about to back out from attending or from my agreements. I am so pissed off that she blindsided me with these details. I hope this does not turn into a thread of how I am living in fear, as this is a real situation and my mom has a health condition that puts her at higher odds of not recovering should she be ill. I am hurt and peeved that she would react in such a manner when I haven’t even backed out. I don’t appreciate her behaving this way with me when I am doing all I can to help her. No, she does not owe me anything but it would be nice if she did not get mad at me when I express my feelings and if she was honest when she is.

AITA?