Using a throwaway. Some context; I live in CA, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. She’s 22, I’ve known her since she was 4. Her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. She’s very sheltered by her mother. Anyway, I told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. She’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her.

But then my wife goes, “And she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.”

I’m 41, my wife is 42. I was like “You’re kidding, right?”

She wasn’t kidding. At first, I was like “Hell no.” But after about a week of talking, I gave in....with one caveat. I told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, I’m going to ask some questions he might not like. She wanted to know what kind of questions, and I gave her some.

1. How did you guys meet and who made the first move? (If the dude made the first move, it’s weird).

2. Has the dude been married, does he have kids?

3. Why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman?

4. Are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father?

5. What’s the end game here? A serious relationship, marriage? Have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant?

I know, I’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. Her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind).

So, fast forward to the visit. Niece and old dude show up. I’m cordial. I wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and I invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. Just me and him. Then I start asking my questions.

After only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. He told me this is “None of my business.” I got a little pissed at that.

I told him he’s staying in my home for a week, I can ask him a few questions. And the girl is my niece, I’m not out of bounds here. He told me I was making him “uncomfortable”. I replied that I’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. I said You can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road.

Well, he left. My wife and niece were upset with me. They said I acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. Again, I was told it’s none of my business. They have since broken up, which I am glad about. Not sure if my actions were the cause.

So Am I an asshole for questioning this guy?

EDIT: some info:

I asked my questions in the order written, and only asked him the first two before he got “uncomfortable”.

I would certainly do the same thing with any older woman my son brought home.

When I took the old dude outside for a beer, I neglected to mention we had 5-10 mins of talk. We discussed the new Star Wars movies of all things.

I would love to discuss more with some of you, but I was a bit hot-headed and appropriately banned for 5 days. So it goes.

Edit 2: Some of you here asked what’s up with my wife and her sister. Her side of the family suffer from innocent naivety and just assuming everyone they meet is a good person. They’re wonderful people who need an asshole like me to keep them centered.

FINAL EDIT: Some of you wondered if I would accept any of the dudes answers to my questions. Of course, all he had to be was respectful and honest in answering and I wouldn’t have a problem.

Talked to my niece this morning. She and I are totally fine. Knew my actions came from wanting to keep her safe. I apologized for my actions regardless.

Asked why they broke up.

The guy was cheating on his wife. He confessed it to her and said he would get a divorce for her. Has three kids. All her age or older. She dumped him.