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AITA for asking my transsexual ex-wife to dress more appropriately?
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My former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. As a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so I was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. She (now Laura) has not started HRT yet but is living fulltime as a woman. Laura and I no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10).

Ever since I moved out and Laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. She's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. Laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue.

I am fine with what Laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. Recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son".

I tried to talk about this privately to Laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. My son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. The moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. People were obviously listening and when I gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, Laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because I was jealous of her confidence. To make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that I was a piece of shit for saying what I was. My son and I left in tears but Laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention.

Ever since then I've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and I was a bad person for asking Laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. I'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if I've gotten old and out of touch. It just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. AITA for speaking to my ex this way?

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5 years ago