So to preface this happened a few months ago and both me and my grandmother are very safe now. But I still feel terrible.

For the last 17 years my mother has been mentally abusive towards me and my grandma, and my grandma says its started long before I was born. My mom has always been passive aggressive especially when I bring up my dad who "terminated within 3 days" (which I later found out was false) and very harmful to my mental and physical health. At one point in time she would not allow me to take my ADD medication because I was "selling it", I was in detention for 3 months straight until my teachers asked me what was wrong and had to stand up to my mom. She still doesnt like me on any medications because they'll "f*ck with your body". She would even harass her mom for asking something as simple as "how was your day". My grandma gave my mom 48 years of rent free living and dealt with enough of my mom to make her question life.

This all came to an end when my at the time boyfriend, "W", got tired of me calling him at odd hours of the night sobbing because my mom had yelled at me for some odd reason again. W told me that hed get a restraining order on her if I didnt do something and my response was to call the police and get the Mental Health Deputies involved. My grandma told them (deputies) my mom was diagnosed bipolar but refuses to take her medication as it "went away" around the time she got pregnant. After the police saw how I reacted to my mom calling they sent me to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation. Psychiatrist says me and my mom need a break (as she was my manager at our old job) from each other and gets me a written two weeks off of work and my mom to be somewhere for a few days.

My mom took it somewhat well and left that day. A few days later she called and accused me of kicking her out and taking away her home- W took the phone and calmly told her she can come back at any point in time but she has to be respectful. My mom hung up and then text me that she was moving out for good. She took the dog that I paid for and alot of my records.

Me and my grandma stayed together but shortly after W left me I couldnt handle being in my hometown and with my grandmas permission I moved in with my sister. With her I found out that my dad did NOT want to terminate his rights and is actually one if the men who has made it possible for all fathers to have a paternity test at birth without the mothers knowledge- because of me. I also found out that my mom had been planning to get back on her meds but never did.

At this point my mom knows I moved, my dads having another kid (baby momma is 3 months), and that I'm planning on seeing my dad in a few weeks but she refuses to contact me. My mom does not know that I'm having medical issues, have a new boyfriend, or that my sister is pregnant.

My question reddit, Was I the asshole for taking care of myself and my grandma at the expense of my mom? I have tried to keep a relationship with her but I've only been met with glares and walls.