Hi. I used to be in the kink scene in the city where I live. I met someone, we'll call them Queen, in the scene. Queen seemed like a very nice person at first, and we got to doing scenes together at the local kink club.

In 2017, I became Queen's sub, after some long talks. We made some good memories together since then. Queen even wanted me to get a tattoo and collar. Queen was looking for a dom of their own, and as of this June went through a bunch of guys.

Every couple months, Queen would have a massive falling-out with the Dom they were with. I'd be one of the people they'd text and it felt like I got the brunt of their emotions because I was their sub. I did my best to listen when they'd blow up.Our scenes got more intense every time these break-ups happened, and I wasn't enjoying being at the club. I'd find a quiet place to hide.

was with the most recent guy, we'll call him Jack. "cy0n, I really love Jack! He's great!" turned into "I ended things with Jack. I'm so upset but we were yelling at each other," etc. Things between us had been cold, not to mention that they were in a relationship with one of the Doms, Gene, they were with. They even mentioned that they didn't really love me in a group chat.

Anyways, I log in to that kink website, the one whose name starts with "F", and I see in my timeline that Queen's written a coded message to Jack. They want him back, and would he please PM them? I know who Jack is. This is the same guy Queen had a huge blow-out with. I know what's going to happen. I say to myself, "I have to leave. I have to get out." So I write Queen.

I write them and say, in a very polite message, that I need time to work on myself, so I'm stepping down as their sub. Queen writes back, saying Okay, that's fine, I get why you would do that. (I should also mention that they've said that they're seeking professional help and getting anti-depressants.) "Can we still be friends?"

I repeated what I said, left the Kik group we were in, and logged off Kik. I wanted to say "You're falling into the same cycle you did before with all these other guys. I saw the message you wrote to Jack on F. I'm not your whipping boy." Queen wrote me to ask why I was leaving the Kik group we were in. "There are people who care about you." I didn't say anything. I've done everything I can to get away from them. I feel that if I spoke to them again, and said what I wanted to say, I'd get a "But I'm getting help, and it's not what it looks like, and blah blah blah. Why are you trying to throw everything away?" I'd get anxiety attacks from hearing my phone buzz with Kik stuff, mostly from them, thinking "What the fuck do they want now?" I feel like I can't ever go back to the club because Queen will be there. Or Gene will be there smoking his fucking cigar and trying to be a weird father figure. Am I the asshole?