My wife found out about my affair two days ago. I’ve been trying to explain to her that I’ve been feeling like there’s no intimacy between us for a long time. This isn’t something that just happened, we’ve been in a downward spiral for the last six years. Up until last October we barely saw eachother. She would go on walks before leaving for work and I wouldn’t see her until later that night when I climbed into bed next to her sound asleep. We’ve been living like roommates and staying together for the sake of our kids, who are six and eleven. I don’t know if she’s cheated on me, but I suspect so, and really I don’t care, our relationship isn’t about us anymore and it hasn’t been for a long time.

I say until last October because she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve been by her side giving her the emotional support she needs and taking care of her when she’s helpless due to chemo. If she’d gone to screenings like I’ve suggested to her over the years they could have caught it early enough that treatment would’ve been more effective. But at this time we’re planning our last Christmas together.

I know it was wrong of me to cheat, and that probably makes me an asshole. But she wants to tell our kids that mom and dad need space from eachother and that she wants to move in with her mom. I think it's better if we act like nothing happened for the sake of our kids so that they have the memory of a happy family for the last year with their mother. And if we live separately the kids will eventual find out why we split and they might hate me for it, causing lasting damage to our relationships. Of course, if she somehow makes a recovery, I'm more than open to the idea of a divorce.

Am I the ass-hole for wanting to stay together for the sake of our children?