Every year I spend Christmas at my sisters house with her husband, two teenage sons, my mother, my fiancé and my toddler. By this Christmas I’ll also have a newborn baby. We’ve been doing this for over ten years now.

The same argument happens in the few months before Christmas, every single year. My sister tells me she doesn’t intend to buy anyone Christmas gifts this year, and I say that’s fine but I really enjoy finding cute little things for people, so I intend to do so as usual.

I really could not give the slightest fuck about receiving gifts. We always have a really lovely day together, and it’s a happy time regardless of gifts. I have a shady history of Christmas from my childhood, where I’d get berated for being excited about Christmas (because I guess my mum thought it was greed, that I only cared about the gifts?) and a few really miserable Christmases where Mum ghosted us for her shitty alcoholic then-boyfriend. Christmas is also around the time where I lost my amazing grandmother (28th December) and my dad (1st January).

But one of the things I love about Christmas now I’m older, is buying people things. I don’t spend a fortune, or even much, I just find happy little things that I think people will enjoy. The nights I spend during December surrounded by gift wrap and ribbon are some of my favourites of the whole year. It’s really fucking aggravating that year after year, this process I love so much gets shit on.

It’s not even like my sister has a modest Christmas with her husband and kids - they spend literally thousands of pounds on the kids and each other, and that’s their right - they both work hard and can afford it. She says she doesn’t want to “do gifts” because she’s worried about my finances, but isn’t that my job? My finances aren’t as healthy as theirs for sure but I don’t spend beyond my means, nor would I.

I just don’t understand why this is such a bone of contention. But my family act like I’m a stubborn asshole for wanting to enjoy this aspect of Christmas. It doesn’t matter how clear I make it that I am absolutely fine with receiving nothing, but I truly love this and can afford it without worrying etc, it still turns into this stressful shit. I’ve spent enough christmases getting beaten down emotionally, I am determined to enjoy this time of year!

For what it’s worth, her husband is on my side and doesn’t seem to want it to be an issue. Also she is 18 years older than I am, so there is a bit of an uneven family dynamic where I’ve always done what I was told but am now thoroughly an adult (32) and have my own clear ideas of how I want to spend my money and time. And she always gets something special and lovely for our Mum.

I don’t really want to change where and how we spend Christmas - as I said, it’s always a happy day. It honestly just feels like she doesn’t want to buy anything for me personally, and you know, I don’t even mind! I just don’t like what I do being dictated to me.

Am I the asshole?!