I know it sounds terrible but there’s a lot more to the story. I (32F) got a 23andMe kit for Christmas through work but as I had already done it a few years ago, I started asking some friends if they wanted to do it for free. A friend (50M) said he’d take it for his son (15M). We are close and I knew that the boy was biologically his but born through egg donorship and a surrogate on the mother’s and his then-wife’s side. I also knew that the kid knew some but not all of the story around his birth and so asked my friend if he was really sure he wanted to give it to this son as there is a relatives section and the kid could theoretically see some person he doesn’t know come up as “mom” if the egg donor is also in the database. The friend and his wife (the only mom the teen has ever known) are now separated and on terrible terms, by the way. My friend said it was fine because his son told his mom that he wanted to do 23andMe and she was okay with it.

He reminded me several times that they wanted the kit (I was kind of putting off handing it over because I was a bit uncomfortable) but eventually gave it to the dad who then helped the son take it and send it in. Fast forward a few weeks and all my worries played out exactly as I feared: as it turns out the kid lied to his dad about mom being okay with it (he never asked) and was now asking a lot of questions about why he’s genetically half a certain ethnicity when his adopted mom has always claimed she’s from an entirely different part of Europe. The wife is now furious with her ex-husband for creating this situation. While she doesn’t know the role I played, I am wondering if I should have listened to my misgivings and been less of a pushover about handing over the kit.

TLDR: A 23AndMe test kit I gave to a teenager stirred up a lot of problems for their family.