I (21M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been dating for nearly a year now. She studies at a university in a different city to me so we've been long distance for a significant part of our relationship. I finished uni last year but she has one more year to go, so I am living at home and working 2 jobs while she finishes her studies. We obviously don't get to see each other very often so when we do, it's a really special time.

Last week, I was missing her a lot and decided to surprise her with a weekend visit. I booked a flight with just a small cabin bag to save on costs and packed only the essentials (t-shirts, underwear) and some small gifts I’d been collecting for her over the semester. I coordinated with her friend, who loved the idea and told me about a Christmas soirée—a black-tie party—planned for the night I’d arrive.

Here’s where things went wrong: I didn’t wear a tux to the party. After nearly a day of working and traveling, I just wanted to be comfortable and just didn’t feel like dressing up fancy, so on my train from the airport I put on a black dress shirt and a (literal) black tie as a funny nod to the theme while still being slightly more comfortable. 

When I arrived, her friend let me in, and my girlfriend seemed happy to see me. She hugged me and asked why I was there, and I told her that me and her friend had hatched this plan for me to crash the party. She then got upset at her friend for not making sure I knew to dress up. I jumped in immediately and told her that I was told about the party, but decided not to dress up fancy because I was packing light and didn’t want to have to be uncomfortable while travelling.

Then, she started to flip out on me. I tried to reassure her that it wasn’t a big deal, it was just a party and no one cared that I wasn’t dressed up. This made her even more mad and she accused me of ‘invalidating her feelings’ and ‘ruining her night’ by embarrassing her in front of all her friends. I tried to keep a level head during all this, but then she did something that tipped me over the edge. She took the flowers I had brought her, threw them on the floor, and stomped on them, completely trashing them. Admittedly, I lost it. I told her she was being a disrespectful AH for how she reacted, that I had put so much time and effort into this trip, and that she was being crazy for expecting even more out of me. 

She argued that I was holding the effort I had put in over her and that I dismissed her feelings by not putting in just a little more effort to dress appropriately. I told her she was being childish and immature over something so small and she stormed out. Her housemate told me it was probably best for me to leave so I went to stay with my brother who also lives in her city. She hasn't spoken to me since, despite multiple attempts on my part to contact her.

So AITA? I know dressing up wouldn’t have been that hard, but I thought my effort to visit her would matter more.