I (28f) and my partner (28m) have been together for a year and a half, we've had a good relationship with only one fight that was mostly a misunderstanding/bad use of words. He works as a bartender and sometimes works late, until 2/2.30am. He doesn't usually stay at mine those days but last night messaged me asking if he could.

He messages me at 1.30 staying he's having a brief lock-in and chippy with the other bartender, his boss and two lasses (I'm assuming customers). He then sent a text a few minutes later saying for me to not wait up for him as he'll be an hour or so. No message after that.

I couldn't sleep, so stayed awake. When it got to 3am I started worrying. When it got to 4.30am I was panicking. I was thinking he'd either crashed and was in a ditch somewhere, was cheating, or just forgotten/didn't care to tell me where he was.

He got in just before 5am and I was still awake. He knew something was off and didn't understand what he did wrong. He said he's boss kept getting drinks (his nonalcoholic) and since he said he'd give his coworker a lift home felt he couldn't leave. He's working again early afternoon today so I told him to get to sleep.

I don't like to talk about things when I'm feeling too much. I was tired and angry and upset and didn't feel like it was the time to have that conversation. We didn't get to sleep until gone 6am, both just lay in silence.

I'm still upset and angry about it. He's done this on smaller scales before, saying he'll come over then is hours late or just never shows up. But that's usually when he's off work and he gets engrossed in gaming or falls asleep (he has adhd so I let a lot of it slide). But last night was just a step too far.

I am aware however that I am under stress from a few other things in my life and so don't want to be overreacting. So am I the arsehole? For being upset and annoyed? And also not talking about it right away?

We still need to have a conversation about it, but I need to get my thoughts in order and know what I think and feel before that. I'm not going to disregard how it has made me feel. But to anyone else did he do wrong? Should I have talked to him straight away instead of dragging it out? Did I mess up something or letting other things impact this?