EDIT TO UPDATE: (I hope this is permitted) I did cancel this entirely, and thank you everyone for your kind advice and encouragement! We will be having our dinner at home instead.

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I have never posted here before, so my apologies if I make any mistakes.

I (54f) have been invited by a friend (50f) who I will call Ann, to come to her house for Thanksgiving.

We all live in Italy, but spent many years in the USA, and have several American friends in the area.

Ann heard that I make a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my house every year for my family and a couple friends (6 people total).

It is quite difficult to get all of the supplies here (no buying canned pumpkin, or cranberry sauce!), so I make every single thing from scratch. Over the years, I’ve also acquired all the dishes and tools and spices - know suppliers for the more exotic things, and am an all around good cook.

So Ann, who was born in China but lived in the USA for 20 years, asked if I would come to her beautiful (and much bigger) home, and “teach her” how to make the whole dinner.

For a group of 12 people instead of the usual 6.

I was hesitant at first, because we live a very modest lifestyle, and Ann and her (British) husband are very well off, but I figured it would still be fun, and I would enjoy putting on the feast for new people and in a beautiful kitchen.

After I agreed, the problems began. First, Ann wanted to have the dinner on a day that isn’t Thanksgiving, to make it more convenient. I decided it wasn’t all that important, since we live in Italy. So it is scheduled for the Sunday prior to the actual day.

Then when we were planning to meet to go shopping for all the ingredients, she asked if I could do all the shopping and she would “reimburse me for her half”.

I asked what she meant, and she said that I’d be paying for half of everything.

So not only would I be doing all the shopping, all the planning, all the cooking and teaching her as well, but now I’m expected to pay for the food?

I told her I could not do this (we really don’t have the budget!) so now she’s trying to alter the menu she agreed to (turkey & fixings, candied yams, roasted veggies, an appetizer, and pie). Really a modest dinner by American standards.

She then made a comment that “her” friends don’t “eat like pigs”.

She then went to another guest with my recipes and asked her to prepare my pumpkin pie so she didn’t have to buy the ingredients.

Bear in mind, Ann and her husband are very wealthy. I’d estimate the whole dinner for 12 might cost €200 for the ingredients, and my labor Ann gets for free.

She thinks I’m being “stubborn and ungenerous” (ie an AH)

My family thinks Ann is taking advantage of my kindness and her miserly ways are ridiculous, since she’d spend double that amount for lunch out on a whim.

So AITA for refusing to “contribute” to the meal or be bullied into this nonsense? My family wants me to just bow out and tell her I’m not comfortable with her attitude. I’m tempted, because this feels toxic and manipulative.