Backstory: My father was an abusive addict way back in the day when I was a baby and so my mother left him when I was 3. He never paid a cent of the child support he owed or attempted to help us in any way. Thankfully she met my stepdad when I was 5 and married him and he raised me as his son. As far as I am concerned he is my dad not my biological father. Over the years, my bio father kicked his addiction and led a much better life, although very separate from mine. He never made any effort to come see me, be involved in anything I was doing, or be a father to me in any way. I would go visit him every few months but that was mostly so I could spend time with my grandparents (his parents) and so we had a ok relationship at that point.

Fast forward over the years, I have been totally happy with how things are, never wanted or expected to be any closer to him than I already was. However, I recently had a daughter and he is trying very hard to be a good grandfather. He tried to FaceTime her all of the time, always asks if he can get her anything, wants to see her as often as he is able. He lives about 2 hours away and has recently started complaining that she sees her other grandparents (my wife’s parents) way more often than she sees him despite the fact that they live 3 hours away and I have to drive by his town to see them. My parents live in town with us so they see her at least weekly.

He brought this up to me about how he is upset he is being treated as less than the others and as far as I’m concerned he is? Like not even in the same category as the grandparents that were great PARENTS first and who raised their kids. I’m not intentionally keeping him from her but whereas I do make efforts to make sure the other grandparents see her as often as they can, for him I don’t make any extra effort and go as far as to make a point not to change any of my plans if he wants to see her. It’s not that I’m trying to punish him, I just don’t feel any attachment to him or feel any desire for him to have extra access to her, but on the other hand am I robbing my daughter of having a close relationship with another grandparent who hasn’t actually done anything wrong to her? Conundrums.

Edited: format so it wasn’t a walk of text