My mom was a single mom to me until I (28M) was 7. She then met my stepdad Joe and married him. Joe had been divorced for 3 years and had two kids 6F and 4M at the time. Joe's relationship with his ex-wife was hostile, possibly the most hostile I have ever witnessed even today. Joe's ex decided her and Joe's kids should never treat my mom with respect and she had them treating my mom like she was the other woman. I was upset for my mom at the time and she told me they would grow up and realize what their mom had done and they would come around, at least to the point of being civil.

I think at some point my mom saw her stepkids as a challenge she needed to win. She went out of her way to win them over and there were many times it came at my expense. The worse they treated her the more she focused on them and forgot she had an actual son who loved and needed her. Joe was fine but he worked a lot so I felt abandoned by my mom and I felt like my mom wouldn't even notice if I was gone.

When Joe's kids were teenagers their mom died and they moved in with us permanently. Before this they were at our house every other week. Them moving in was hell. They would yell insults at my mom on a daily basis, would tell her they wished she had died instead of their mom, they called a disgusting, repulsive whore who infected everyone she met. They spread a rumor around high school that mom had cheated on Joe and had infected him.

Joe had his kids in therapy, he had talks with them, issued consequences for their mistreatment of my mom. But at no point did it stop and equally, at no point my mom gave up.

When I moved out for college it became clear to me that mom was going to stay more concerned with her stepkids than with me. She was disinterested when I introduced her to my wife (we met in college). She really didn't take much of an interest in our wedding planning. She was busy trying to get Joe's kids to see her because once they moved out they told Joe they would only see him alone. Once or twice his kids asked my mom for money and that kept her holding on.

When my wife and I had our first child is when I gave up. My mom showed zero interest and didn't make any effort to meet my daughter for weeks and when she did meet her there was still zero interest.

Joe went to his kids for Christmas this year and left my mom home. Mom sent me a text saying this and I ignored it. Two days ago she left a voice message saying I should have invited her to my house for Christmas so she wasn't alone and could be with her son and grandchildren. I called her right back and told her she can't discard us and then expect me to invite her to Christmas. I told her she wanted to chase people who would rather see her dead and would dance on her grave than her son who loves her so she can fuck off and leave me alone and stop trying to make us her consolation prize.

Mom claimed I was cruel and out of line with how I treated her. AITA?