my friend JJ (30f) and I (28f) have been friends most of our lives. She also has a twin sister Nicole (30f) but I was never very close with Nicole as she was very athletic and sports took up a lot of her time, shes a nice person though and we're friendly. The twins usually butted heads often, they were pretty different for identical twins. This all brings us to yesterday...

Every Monday we (JJ and I) meet up for coffee. It's a standing tradition. We are both single and usually meet up to talk about dating/life. This Monday and last Monday we had been talking about Nicole's upcoming wedding. She got engaged last year to her partner (35f) and I thought JJ was happy for her but lately she's been down on the whole wedding and making snide remarks. It got heated when she said something homophobic last week and I got stern with her about that not being okay.

Yesterday she showed me some dresses she was looking at to wear to the wedding, she's going to be a bridesmaid but there's not a lot going on for the bridal party before the wedding (no shower or bachelorette). I'm doing the cake so I know the color scheme and the dresses she was showing me were white or off white with tiny light purple elements (like a trim or ombre type thing), I asked her if Nicole changed the color for the bridesmaids to white instead of lilac and she said no but she was told she could buy her dress and she's going to get one she wants, not something entirely lilac. It didn't sit right with me so I looked up similar styles once I got home and called Nicole to ask her about it. Turns out she's not okay with it, that she's already turned down similar dresses and that JJ has been fussy since the wedding date was announced. She thanked me for the info and said she would leave me out of it when she talks to JJ about the dress again.

Today I woke up to a bunch of texts and calls from JJ about being a snitch. I was upfront with her and let her know that it's not cool to be attention grabbing at her sisters wedding. Nicole called me too and let me know about how the relationship has been, something i didn't know but apparently their parents hold milestones over the girls heads. Whoever got into university first got money for it, whoever got married first got it paid for, etc.. JJ made it to Uni first and I guess she felt like she had an up on her sister for once and then when Nicole came out JJ was sure she would be married and have kids to get all the rest of the milestones first but now Nicole is getting married and JJ is single. Nicole is pretty independent so she didn't feel pressure or anything when her parents did this but JJ very much feels like she has to meet their expectations.

I feel like a jerk but I also didn't want to see a wedding get messed with, I'm a baker on the side of my career and I've been to so many weddings that have that one person who makes things weird. JJ says I'm just self righteous and feeding my hero complex (I'm an emt). AITA?