TL; DR at the end.

My (42f) dad (73) and I have a superficial relationship. He dipped out when I was young and had another family, didn’t raise me, blah blah.

When he married my former stepmother (his third wife, marriages 3&4 for those keeping track), she came with step parents. Her step mom S, a wonderful lady, always treated me well and was an all around fantastic person. I considered her a grandma and I spent a fair amount of time with her and my stepmom’s dad at family events before my brothers were born. Dad married third wife when I was 7/8.

S passed away last year from complications due to dementia. My dad recently dropped that info into a conversation, saying my brother attended her funeral. I didn’t immediately respond because my dad hates uncomfortable silences and I wanted to see what else he’d say. I would have liked to have gone. I asked why he hadn’t told me, he said “well, you know, her family was there and it might have been awkward”. I know both her sons, their wives and their kids. I didn’t know S’s brother or that part of her family, but I didn’t think it would be weird since I basically grew up with S as my grandmother, blood or not.

The next words out of his mouth were, “well, you know, you weren’t really around them much. I was married and had kids so it just didn’t seem like a big deal.”

I didn’t want to continue the conversation and I hung up, immediately told my husband what he said. My husband’s response to my dad doing anything is to just shake his head. My mom has apologized for decades for not choosing a better man as a father and I’ve accepted he’s just lacking. But im petty.

Dad’s called a couple times since to check in and I haven’t answered. I don’t have the mental bandwidth for him right now. I know if I don’t answer, I’ll be stuck with him showing up for the holidays. Which we try to mostly avoid. I don’t celebrate any specific holiday but on Christmas my husband and I try to fit in the family we don’t regularly see.

I feel a bit grudgy about this; like I could genuinely get some mileage out of it as far as making him feel bad. And I want objective opinions on the situation, as trivial as it is. So Reddit, what say you?

TL;DR: dad didn’t tell me my step grandmother passed away and now I don’t really want to talk to him.