Aita, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. And for the most part it’s been wonderful. However, his cleanliness has been an issue. For example, a few months ago there were multiple times when he would take a full garbage bag out of the garbage, and instead of taking it to the garbage chute, leave it there on the floor oftentimes sitting on top of my shoes, which are incredibly expensive (thank Prada, Yves Saint Laurent, etc.).

I’ve had multiple times where he would leave dirty, moldy dishes sitting out. I have an FIV positive cat. If he were to get into some of the food, it would be catastrophic. It could make him extremely ill. He has a habit of leaving our entire kitchen table, covered in papers and shit, and not picking it up for weeks, usually not doing anything until I do it myself. In fact, one time, very early on in our relationship, he actually vomited in the bathtub and didn’t even bother to tell me. Instead, he left it for me to clean up. I had initially just brushed off that singular incident, even though it did kind of make me mad. But the continued issues became problematic.

The last week or so, he has started leaving bloody used dental floss, sitting out on the bathroom vanity. It finally just let me to snap. I’ve addressed my concerns with him about his untidiness many many times before, and nothing has changed.

So last night, I addressed it with him in the kindest, gentlest way I could, I told him that I needed more help with cleanliness around the house, and that, despite my continued efforts to try to address it with him nothing has changed. I told him that to me, the leaving of the vomit in the bathtub, even though I initially just brushed it off, was in my mind where everything started.

He told me that he had just run out of time to clean up, and asked me if I really thought that he was irresponsible enough to leave it like that under any other circumstances. I was honest, I said, I believed he might have because the pattern of behavior, despite multiple efforts to address it showed to me that it was entirely possible. He said I was being insulting and got mad, but eventually came around and apologized and promised that he would do better.

So I wake up this morning, and what do I see? Dirty filthy disgusting dinner dishes left out. Again. I got pissed. And at this point I’m at a loss. I went up to him very calmly, and asked him “why, after we just had a discussion about this…. why is this still happening Literally like three hours after we had a big blowup over it?” He apologized up and down, but then still left his dirty dishes there. I finally got pissed, and when he was in the kitchen, I walked up and started scrubbing it myself. He asked me if I wanted him to do it instead, which I said, “i do not, what I want to do is to not have to clean up after you.“

I’ve tried not to lose my temper, but I’m at my wits end. It’s not safe. It’s not sanitary. So I ask you, dear reader, AITA?