I (M30) am soon to marry my (F27) fiancee later on this year. We've been together for 6 years, all good stuff, no issues - it's all good there.

My conundrum comes from my family side. I grew up in a small family, just me, my mum and an older sister for the majority of my life as my dad wasn't around. My mum got remarried when I was about 19 and I'm close with my new step siblings. I have never been close and I actually haven't spoken to my mum or sister (with a couple of exceptions) in the last 5 years after a big bust up that had been brewing for years. I have however, always been very close with my grandparents and am still in contact with my wider family. I've never badmouthed my mum, I've not even really gone into detail as to why I don't want contact with her as I'm concerned it will cause a wider issue with the family as she would come out in a bad light.

Now to the issue - my family and friends know I'm not close with mum/sister and the question was always whether or not I'd invite them. This wasn't a difficult decision surprisingly as I've always maintained that I would not make a "thing" about it and would be civil with them whenever I came across them so they would be invited. I thought this would avoid a crisis but during my weekly dinner with my grandad (grandma has passed), he mentioned that the family has decided they will not come to the wedding if my mum doesn't feel comfortable going. There was no wider explanation of what would make her comfortable however and I'm not about to cause an argument with my grandad by pushing him.

This topic now comes up quite a lot at our weekly dinners, and it came out today that it stems from our mentioning that we would have a top table at the wedding, featuring my partners parents, best man, maid of honour etc but my mum wouldn't be there. Effectively the demand from the family is that if my mum isn't sat at the top table then she wouldn't feel comfortable as it's a public snub (despite our estrangement not being a secret) and therefore the rest of my family wouldn't go. They're saying I'm being unreasonable and putting demands on the family by sitting her at a "family" table.

I want my family to come to my wedding, but I cannot sit next to that woman on my wedding day. I'm feeling a bit upset about all this, so I'm querying whether or not I am TA.

Anyway, any direct feedback would be appreciated (sorry for the long post).

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UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your comments. I've spoken to my grandad, explained everything to him and he's now feeling quite bad. Basically his confusion has come from my mum has been telling him she has no idea why I don't want to see her and there's been a lot of background chatting about it in the family. Because of this I've said I'll happily sit down with them all (primarily my grandad, auntie, mum, sister) and explain everything in detail and that it's there decision not mine. I reiterated that this is not me putting demands on them, it's them putting them on me. Not sure if this meeting will happen, but I've said I'll do it so the balls in there court.