TRIGGER WARNING: This story deals with mention of self-harm.

My friend (I'll call her Sharon, 39F) and her partner (I'll call him Jason, 48M) are in a very tight spot and I am struggling a bit with how to navigate this as a good friend.

Some backstory: Over the years, she has commented openly that if anything ever happened to Jason, she'd only last an hour before committing suicide. Not just me but her other married friends have all told her that's not a healthy mindset to have and she shouldn't think that way, but she is adamant about it. There's a long history behind her daddy issues that I won't go into here, but the short of it is she's very deeply devoted to him.

Now, in just the last few months, Jason has been struck with severe health issues; he worked as an engineer, which required a ton of physical labor. Now this has caught up with him, mixed with symptoms from Long Covid, mixed with fainting spells, mixed with other heart-related issues. He has been in-and-out of the hospital and the doctors are still trying to diagnosis him. Needless to say, it is not a good sign when someone who's almost 50 is regularly fainting and going in and out of the hospital.

Regardless of the diagnosis, he can no longer work the physical labor needed as an engineer. Sharon has decided they will leave their house and move into either their truck or an RV together, so that they can spend their remaining years together seeing the country. She's also giving up her dream of being an author because, as she put it, even if her agent were to sell her manuscript, she just wouldn't have the time and energy right now to do the revisions and edits needed on a deadline, given that she has to take care of him full time.

I'm deeply worried about Sharon and especially the fact that she won't communicate about any of this. Most obviously, I'm concerned that if the worst happens to Jason, she will off herself. But assuming she (hopefully) doesn't, I'm also concerned that she's not preparing herself adequately for the next step. Earlier today, I left her a voicemail where I, as tactfully as I could, stated that as much as I know that she didn't want to think about it, she has to start thinking about things like does Jason have a will, are their legal things that have to be taken care of, given that they are not legally married, etc.

These concerns are coming from my own lived experience: my mom very suddenly passed away less than a year ago leaving behind no will, no cemetery plans, or any plan for the future, etc, and I had a very stressful and overwhelming three months after her passing dealing with bureaucracy. If her and I had had at least one conversation about this stuff, it would have made a world of different. I've also known other domestic partners who got legally screwed over when a partner passed away because of them not being married.

However, Sharon's only response is that she cannot listen to voicemails like these because they will upset her. She just says "I haven't even processed one tenth of what's going on right now, and if I hear any negativity, I'll crack." I've told her "Fine, it's your choice if you want to listen to my voicemail or not; I just want what's best for you." For all I know, maybe she and Jason have already had this conversation, but she just won't communicate it.

To add to this, another friend of hers (we'll call her Marissa) who is a bit wealthy has graciously offered to cover Sharon's rent for a bit as a loan that she can pay back whenever, but Sharon refused. She told me that she hates borrowing money from a friend, especially when she doesn't know if she can pay it back. I told her that while I agree that borrowing money from friends can lead to messy situations, it is very very rare to get a helpful offer of kindness as good as this, and even if she ends up in debt to Marissa, that's certainly still better than living in a truck, but she is trying to convince me how much she loves the truck.

It makes me sad to see that, at age 39 (which I still consider relatively young), she is choosing to give up her dreams, her independence, and the entire stable life they worked together to create just so she can take care of him and live like a nomad, because she's just so devoted to him. I realize being a friend means biting my tongue and letting her live her life however she chooses, but this is also making me feel like I'm losing a friend I felt I could always talk to. I decided earlier today that I won't say anything more and just let her do whatever, and that decision also makes me feel like I'm betraying her.

Basically, I feel like a Bad Apple either way. I'm a Bad Apple if I try to talk to her about planning her future because it's not my place to say anything, but I'm also a Bad Apple if I don't say anything and allow my friend to enter a situation where 1) She may end up becoming suicidal or 2) She will ruin her life via knee-jerk decisions and irresponsible planning.