So the image posted is only my bf’s communication with the event organizer, and does not include my reaction because my reaction thus far is internal.

I am a trans man (aka ftm or female to male), if we want to get technical, I identify as nonbinary trans-masculine but that nuance is not relevant to this post. I pass as a man in my day-to-day life. I do not function in the world as a woman, so sometimes I forget that I am AFAB (assigned female at birth). My bf and I are present as a male/male gay couple in public. He identifies as queer/pansexual.

Anyway, there is a gay adult play party/event coming up and my bf has wanted to attend events like this for a long time but his calendar has never aligned until this week. We discussed the event before (we are polyamorous) and I fully support him going and having fun. He has gotten me into the community, his capabilities within the community are impressive, he actually has an adult social media account for his activities and has amassed several thousand followers. He does make some money from his social media account, but just enough money to buy more accessories associated with this kink community (I.e., more “legendary-size silicone statues”). I’ve collaborated on several of his posts and really have enjoyed learning about this kink community. With my bf, we played together in this specific way over many hours (maybe hundreds of hours). I have also played with other people in the community and have become quite good at what I do. I would be considered a top (only) in this community and have also wanted to attend parties/events with likeminded kinky people.

So my question about whether I’m overreacting or not has to do with how sad I am that the event organizer said I could not come to the event. What I get hung up on is that he said that some gay men really do not want to see traditionally feminine body parts. Which is fair, but I was/am willing to be clothed during the event. Plus I wear a binder (a lot of FTMs wear binders) which flattens my chest enough to the point that I pass. That is what keeps repeating in my mind… that he said the problem is gays guys don’t want to see that, but we had a solution! The gay guys would not have had to see my naked body… problem solved, right??

I kind of want to ask my bf to follow with the organizer and clarify that I’m willing to be clothed. I even thought about reaching out to the event organizer myself. But I think if I took further steps (like the aforementioned), that THAT would be an overreaction.

In closing, please be kind. I’m not asking any of you to validate my trans identity. I do not need to hear your opinion on that. I’m asking if it would be an overreaction for me to ask my bf to follow up or me personally following up with the event coordinator. I want to respect the event, but also advocate for myself. 😩

Post note: I do plan to get top surgery in 2025 🤞🏼🤞🏼