I wasn’t sure if I should post here or in AITAH. But here goes;

I (38m) and my fiancé (28f) own a home together. Typically, I do most of the cleaning. I like a nice space. She’s a bit on the messier side, but I can keep up.

Our house would very much be considered a fixer-upper. And I work on it constantly.

I am a contractor. I’ve spent the last two years building a new kitchen in my spare time. It’s, well, nicer than it needs to be. I won’t get into the specs, but the materials alone were over 50k. I did the labor (so “free” for us) and paid every penny out of my business for the kitchen.

The OLD kitchen was in a different area of the house (now the dining room) and was constantly dirty. I never held that against her - it was gross even when scrubbed from top to bottom. Cabinets were rotting, the appliances were garbage at best, the counter would best be described as 50 shades of “what’s that? There wasn’t much counter space and frankly, it just sucked.

So, the new kitchen has 3x the counter space. New cabinets, new organization abilities, better sink, dishwasher (which we didn’t have). I even did a cup rinser and air fryer stove and microwave drawer. It’s nice. Maybe I can post a picture.

Now, due to the state of the old kitchen, and knowing three basic truths: A. She’s messy. Always has been B. She loves to cook. She’s THE BEST cook. C. I’m a neat freak

I talked to her several times prior to using the new kitchen (and before tearing out the old kitchen) about keeping it clean. Dishes don’t get left out. Counters need to be wiped down. If you cook for us, we both clean. If you cook for the sake of cooking, at least get the dishes in the sink.

So, today, noticing the 3 week old kitchen is a bit of a mess, I decide to clean a bit. I’m not throwing her under the bus for failing to do chores I personally won’t do. We do, after all, share the space and efforts of most of her cooking.

However.

There are now permanent stains on the counter from a cast iron left wet and rusting for two days. (She made herself a blt) The sink is full of a random new hobby - an espresso machine. And just packed with coffee grounds (those are bad for drains and she knows it). The garbage cans were so stuffed full that the bags tore trying to pull them out (I take out the trash, all she has to do is point out it’s full because I rarely use the kitchen trash). We’ve talked about that too. I found 2 day old bacon from the blt out on the counter (on a plate under paper towels). Wet sponges left in bowls she “let sit” (the new dish washer can handle dried on food).

So, basically, I turned off power to the outlets, oven, microwave and now only the disposal, dishwasher and fridge run. I intend to leave it that way until she cleans. And put it back that way any time there is a mess involving dishes or food.

And just for the sake of clarity. I do the vast majority of the cleaning. Her two chores are, keep the kitchen clean and fold the clean laundry. She loves to cook. So I built her literal dream kitchen. I do the laundry, the floors, dust, clean out kids rooms, throw out about three grocery bags of old food and dirty take out plates a day. Tidy the house and help (and enforce) the kids cleaning their own room. This isn’t misogamy. This is “I built you your dream and I ask only that it’s clean”