I(21F) a college student recently met up with a guy(24M) from tinder after talking to him for about 3 days. We agreed on not having sex and we agreed I’d only give him head. I also told him I wasn’t the most experienced person but he said he didn’t mind and it’s fine. He came over and we made out for a bit and then I sucked his dick, he came in my mouth and then he said his goodbye after that. He didn’t do anything for me or even try to return the favor. He blocked me on Snapchat after he left. Before you ask why I agreed to do that with him. I was trying to get over my ex by seeing someone else, I got advice that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I’m not looking for a relationship. I think about my ex all the time so I decided it was time to get him off my mind. It’s been over a year since we broke up and I still hadn’t moved on and it was frustrating feeling heartbroken for so long. When the breakup happened everyone told me time heals all wounds but it’s been a year so clearly that wasn’t working.

I feel like trash. I feel horrible and dirty and I feel used. Every time I think about it, it just registers in my head that he basically came over to fuck my throat and leave and that just makes me gag. It’s been a month since i met up with him and I can literally smell him when I think about it. Btw, it wasn’t non consensual or anything like that, he didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, I think I just feel this way because he didn’t do anything to return the favor so it just makes me feel disgusting. This is the second person I’ve gotten sexual with too so maybe it happens and it’s just not as serious as I’m taking it?

Why do you think he blocked me after? Do you think it’s because he got what he wanted already and he doesn’t care or do you think the head was bad? How would you feel if you were in my position and what would you do?

Now there is another guy that wants to do the same with me but I’m scared to have him over because I have performance anxiety now and I’m scared he’s also just going to use me for a quick throatfuck. He said he doesn’t mind the inexperience but clearly it matters since that’s what the last guy said too. A part of me is so embarrassed, I don’t want this situation to happen again, it’s really messing with me. I would never do that to someone else, especially a guy that has already expressed that he has anxiety about not knowing what he’s doing because it would most likely make things worse for him.

Update: I see a lot of you slut shaming me in the comments and saying I’m stupid. I didn’t come on here to be judged??😒 Some of you are only making me feel worse by saying I deserve it? If you don’t have words of wisdom or encouragement then don’t respond. Like I said earlier, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was just trying to get over my ex but at the same time I didn’t think he’d just use me like that because no one that actually has a heart would do that?? Like I said, he was the second person I’ve ever been sexual with so how was I supposed to just assume he’d do that? All I wanted was to stop thinking about my ex.

NEW UPDATE: I honestly didn’t want to say it in my original post because I thought people would only call me stupid even more but I already tried therapy and it didn’t work. I’ve even started going to church and praying about it and I still haven’t gotten over it. I know how it sounds but i really did try to get over him with new hobbies and friends at first. After a year I was still sad so I thought it couldn’t hurt to try the bad advice🥲 the people in the comments genuinely don’t get it. I wasn’t trying to be stupid or put myself in harm’s way on purpose. I didn’t realize how stupid i was until after he blocked me. I really do feel like a fool. Remembering this situation makes my skin crawl, I’ve never been more disgusted with myself. I feel so sick in my own skin. I genuinely regret it and wish I never did it but in the moment I felt like all that was on my mind was my ex. Clearly it only made me feel worse because now I’m still sad about my ex and I feel horrible about this situation I got myself in.