Last night my husband and I visited his grandpa in the nursing home for the first time and we basically grasped the new reality that he doesn’t remember my husband anymore. Gutted.

Grandpa cycles between the same questions, I imagine because he is trying to figure out who we are and also is trying to stick to “comfortable” conversation topics? It stresses my husband out, I think mostly because it makes grandpa’s condition so apparent. It is agony to me, not because I’m bothered by the same conversation. I’m happy that he can still talk, and isn’t violent, and that my husband is spending time with him. But because I’m concerned grandpa is doing it because he is uncomfortable and sort of aware that he doesn’t have a grip on the situation, but feels like he has to keep a handle on things. It’s heart breaking. I want to respect his desire for control, and make it easier for him.

He remembers his wife, and serving in the army. So I try to keep conversation topics there. And I try to ask questions. The best last night was asking him for marriage advice. I asked because he said he could tell that my husband and I love each other, and that that’s important. He talked for about an entire minute, and we had back and forth for another minute which was like a record.

I feel like phrasing questions as, “What do you think about...” or “What should people know about...” is better than asking him to remember, because he can’t. And I don’t want to ask a SPECIFIC question because the disease doesn’t allow him enough room to answer those it seems. But I’m just not sure what else to ask to help make Grandpa comfortable and to ease my husbands distress. What do you guys talk about?