SUPER LONG POST.

TL;DR Something developed between my out-of-my-league college crush and me when we got older.

I remember meeting you for the first time in college - it was like that cliche moment in the movies where time slows down, the clouds part and light shines upon you while a choir of angels start to sing - god you were so gorgeous. I couldn't believe someone as gwapo as you existed, and then you made me libre too. Fuck, mabait ka pa. Hooked.

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For the next three years seeing you around school and you making me beso would be the highlight of my day. I'll never forget you telling me how you accidentally made beso a random girl coz you thought it was me lol CUTE. I'll also never forget my favorite college memory of you was you flexing your arms to show off your biceps. As in mamatay talaga sa kilig grabe. You were really so beautiful, so gwapo, everyone had a crush on you. But, you were also always taken. I remember our common friend telling me that you're a cheater too. Ok. Fine. Nobody's perfect. Baka pwede one night lang then? My best friend and I would joke about that all the time na one night lang with you sobrang solb na for LIFE. As in ISA LANG TALAGA PLEASE.

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Then, you graduated. We'd see each other once a year na lang sa birthday ng common friend natin. We'd beso. We'd talk about our shared interests for a few minutes. Maghihiritan konti. While you're with your girlfriend, and then new girlfriend a few years after. Thankfully though, my crush on you faded na. Chill na lang. There was one party nga, kami pa nung best friend mo yung naglandian eh.

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A few years later, my new job brought me in close proximity to you, and I was happy to hear na you were excited daw that we'd be working together. Inisip ko baka you're being polite lang to our common friend, but oh well. We started getting closer then. We started to have our own inside jokes. The teasing became so much more aggressive, and not even in a malandi way, but because we're both competitive and neither of us want to back down. Thankfully pikon ka, so it was easy to beat you. Naging favorite past time ko is barahin ka, and you made it so easy every time. We ended up going out of town with friends, and we even shared a room albeit different beds. I remember thinking, 'god if college me knew that this is where we'd be now she'd actually die.' But yeah, I never expected that we'd be this close.

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I love talking to you. The times na just the two of us would be hanging out smoking or over a bottle of beer are my favorite. You're so smart. As in nanliliit ako sayo. And yet, you listen to my opinions, consider what I have to say, and actually act on them. Sobrang unreal talaga. I never would have thought we'd have this relationship, but it's honestly one of the biggest things that helped me adjust at my new job. People were starting to notice that we were getting closer. You'd use me as like a shield to get rid of this girl who wanted to get with you. Man she started spreading shit about me coz you'd go too hard bwisit ka hahaha

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I remember you, our common friend, and I would joke about how the three of us were so tigang na. Our common friend and I were single, while you and your GF were LDR. We'd cheer each other on, and try to get at least one of us laid. You were always a little uncomfortable when I'd tell you about my prospects. You straight up told me you thought my number one prospect was gay and you didn't get it, but if I could get laid, then you'd support me of course. I had no idea how much you truly disliked him.

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It was a weekday. We were both drunk and wanting to go home, but our bosses still wanted to be out. You saw me looking stressed, and you assured me that you'd handle our bosses and I have nothing to worry about. I told you it wasn't them that was stressing me out, but that I think my number 1 prospect was finally making a move, asking me if I was hungry at 2:30am knowing I'm drunk, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him or not. I'll never forget how shocked but disappointed you were. Like how could I even be considering him, you asked. And then, you said it.

"You know, if you really want it, if you really want something me na lang."

My heart fucking stopped. Oh my god. Did I hear you correctly??? I let your words hang in the air for a second before asking, half-joking, if you were serious.

"No but --"

I cut you off then. I couldn't bear to hear it. I couldn't bear to hear you reject me. If you were going to crush my heart it would be on my terms.

I told you to walk away. Walk away right now. Walk away.

I gave you an out. You have a girlfriend. I gave you an out. I gave you an out because I can't say no to you. You need to say no for the both of us. God, I was desperately hoping you'd take this lifeline because I wasn't going to, but without missing a beat you captured me.

"No. I don't walk away."

To say that I was stunned was an understatement. It was as if a blackhole had erupted between us that sucked in the entire world except for you and me. I didn't think it was real. I definitely thought I was too drunk for this. I looked at you in silence, pleading wordlessly for confirmation that you want this too; to reassure me that this wasn't some distant dream from another lifetime.

"If you really want it, me na lang. If you really want something, me na lang. Pick me na lang. Make it me na lang."

Holy fucking shit so the onus was on me pa?? You'd give me that much power?? You, who I thought was a god who walked among mortals in college, was suddenly begging me to throw him a bone. How the fuck was this real?

I couldn't say anything. I was literally just staring at you for what felt like forever, and you were still begging. I couldn't speak because I knew I couldn't say no. I didn't know how to; I've wanted you for so long, and it felt like this was my only chance forever to actually have anything with you. I'm sure you saw it in my face that I wasn't about to reject you because how the hell could I? You're you. So you pulled in me and we did our usual banter, and that was it. Game over. I was yours.

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Ok this has turned into a novel. lol I'll post the subsequent highlights of this shit I've gotten myself into whether this gets any attention or not. Haha. Nice to finally get this off my chest.