hello. i'm not out to my family and i don't think i ever will be until i'm completely independent of them. my mom and i had chismis about people we didn't like and for some reason it turned into hate speech about lgbtq people. i couldn't say anything that would contradict her because that would bring up uncomfortable topics i'm not willing to discuss yet. i didn't say anything at all actually. i just let her ramble on about how they're just a bunch of ridiculous and disrespectful humans, which is absolutely not true at all! my family hates gay people and it's just so suffocating because i am gay! i'm a lesbian! and they just don't know about it! how the hell am i going to survive this long? how the hell am i ever going to come out when i know about their disposition towards lesbians and gay people in general. i'm scared for my future self. i'm scared na i might have to fake being myself and marry a man just to please them. i'm scared i won't be able to stand up for myself when the time comes. and it will come. just not so soon but when i'm old enough to. i don't want to be old enough. i want them to know about me NOW. but that's unrealistic.