My Q (ex-boyfriend) and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together 2 years. I miss him a lot. I’m codependent and I’m pretty sure he is too. We broke up for a lot of messy reasons, but primarily I think because we were too enmeshed. I’m pretty sure I miss him, not just the idea of him, but I don’t miss the relationship per se. I’m sad about the “what could have been,” especially since I didn’t know he was an alcoholic until a year and a half in, so we had a lot of plans for the future before that reality-check occurred. I don’t miss worrying about him relapsing (he was ostensibly trying to recover, though I think he was going about it dry drunk style more than anything else) and I don’t miss his self-centeredness, but I miss our jokes and our tenderness for one another. We were enmeshed, but I also know we were very similar people with similar values and interests from the outset, so it feels like I lost my best friend. He hasn’t spoken to me since, even after I sent a message taking accountability for my role in the breakup (haven’t contacted him otherwise), and so that has hurt a lot. I know I’m supposed to move on, but I worry he hates me. I still worry at least a little bit every day about whether he’s relapsed, and that’s fucking draining too. I’m just pretty sad.