My parents were both alcoholics for as long as I can remember. My dads poison of choice is vodka - a 1.75 liter of Popov per day at the MINIMUM for the past at least 15 years. He has been to rehab or detox clinics twice in the past year. And every time he gets out he says how much better he feels, that he'll never drink again... But always he begins drinking again within a week. He tries to hide it.

In the past few months he has heavily deteriorated. His memory is gone, he won't remember conversations from seconds before. On Easter he fell in a parking lot, taken away by an ER and had to get his head stapled. He did not tell me about this, I found out a week later from my uncle. See, he's in Florida and I'm in Canada. I call him every other day and he says everything is fine. I feel so helpless from here... He is depressed and he's lost the will to live completely. He is still coherent enough to lie to me and everyone else and say he's fine.

His girlfriend called me today crying. He is 6'1", 115 lbs. He can hardly walk. Only gets out of bed to sneak shots in the bathroom. Only leaves the house to do liquor store runs. She says he sleeps 20 hours a day and hasn't eaten ANYTHING in four days. She told me if I want to see my dad "one last time" I need to come NOW. I am devastated. I love my dad more than anything else in the world. Despite him being an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, he is the most pure hearted and amazing person I have ever met. When I was a child he was a functional alcoholic - he ran his own company, made time for me and my brother and still managed to drink from sunrise until he fell asleep. But that all changed 5 years ago when my grandfather, his dad, committed suicide and my mom(an alcoholic and drug addict) abandoned my family. It only got worse when his company went bankrupt, he lost his house in foreclosure, and my brother and I moved far away. But I never thought he would get to this point.

I am so heartbroken. I don't know how to help him anymore. He goes from being semi-lucid and saying he wants treatment to just forgetting everything and saying he is fine. His girlfriend calling me today is the final straw... I'm booking a flight for 9 days from now. It will put my immigration in jeopardy but I don't care. I just know how much I will regret not doing anything and everything in my power before he dies. He is trying to kill himself with alcohol. I don't know what I can do even when I'm physically with him but I have to TRY. I know I can't make him stop drinking but. If I'm there I can at least make him eat something that isn't alcohol. What do I do? I have no money left to send him to detox again. He doesn't have any money either, he's been borrowing from my uncle and pawning off his collections just to get money for booze. How can I get him the help he needs?? I'm considering taking him to the ER. But I don't know if they will take us. He isn't coherent enough to apply for any type of assistance and his girlfriend doesn't know how either. I know there has to be resources for him. I just don't know how to access them.

When I go to visit him I will have nowhere to stay... His girlfriend is threatening to kick him out of her house and then he will be homeless. He cannot come to Canada to live with me as I can't sponsor him... I would have to give up my life here, leave my husband, and go find a way to support myself and my father in the US. I'm at a total loss. Is there any way I can convince him that its worth living? Its killing me to watch him die like this. When I think about getting a call saying he has cirrhosis or is in a coma or has passed... I just break down into tears. I am supposed to get married next year and I can't help but think how he won't walk me down the aisle, he won't see his grandchildren. He just won't be around for much longer unless he gets help! Even if he gets help, I'm afraid he's too far gone and too much damage has been done to reverse it.

My uncle is a recovering alcoholic and he says my dad has wet brain. After looking it up, all the symptoms fit but I don't know how to get help. We don't have health insurance. Then I think even worse things... I don't know what to even do if he dies, I think I would die from the pain. But if he truly doesnt want to fight anymore, I cant fight his battles for him. I just wish he could go easier than starving and drinking himself to death... I don't have the means to even give him a memorial or a cremation, I looked up costs today. I turn 22 in two days and I am looking up how much it costs to bury my father. I know he loves me and my brother more than anything and we are the only reasons he is still alive. I feel I have to use that to our advantage while I can, get my brother and I to visit him in Florida and to somehow get him help. It seems like the only choice...

If you've made it reading this far, I'm sorry this is so disjointed, I'm just in shock and a total mess right now. I haven't stopped crying since I got the phone call. I don't know what I'm looking for by posting... I just want to get it off my chest and maybe find someone who's been through something similar. Advice, support, ideas, anything. Is there any hope for my dad? Is all I can do go hold his hand and mix his drinks on his deathbed? Or do I just give up and let him do what he wants, to find a dark lonely place to die alone like a dog. I'm so alone and terrified. I think I am going to have an anxiety attack. I love my dad so much... I wish there was anything I could do.