I’m at a loss. Not sure what to do and I guess I’m just typing out my emotions. It’s almost 3am where I’m at and I’m staying awake for the night to make sure that when she finally passes out, that she wakes up for work. Fortunately, I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll be fine from the sleep deprivation, but I feel so guilty for knowing how tired I’ll be while having the kids home.

My wife has a drinking problem. It runs I. Her family. When we first met, she hardly ever drank. She was focused on doing something with herself. She pushed and worked hard on her education and ultimately received her masters in social work and has a very good paying job. She did schooling online and through cohorts while I worked and we never had any issues. Recently, about five months ago, she got in trouble at work and was given an ultimatum to resign in order to save her licensure (due to drinking). She did in-patient treatment, found another job, and everything was fine. I guess it’s my fault because I brought alcohol back in the house. I just wanted to enjoy my weekends. She had a drink and I figured if she drank on “my schedule”, then it wouldn’t be an issue. Boy was a wrong.

I went to bed around 9:30pm tonight. I suddenly woke up around 2am because I heard the back door open. We had both had a few drinks prior to me laying down and she told me she’d join me soon. Nope. She was on the couch, talking to an old friend (not cheating), and she was hammered. Albeit, I wish I had approached the situation differently, but I didn’t. She had drank several shots of vodka and almost nine white claws. I told her she was being selfish and irresponsible as we depend on her income to pay our bills. She became aggressive and started pushing me around the house. Physically and verbally assaulting me. All I could do was just keep my hands at my side and let her do it. I would never retaliate against her. I love her too much.

Therein lies the problem though. I love her too much to love myself enough to do what I think needs to be done. I’m so tired of this. I want a healthy relationship. I want our kids to grow up with love and in a safe household. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Guess I’m just posting to vent.