My drug of choice is cocaine yet all the alcoholics in my life take a toll on me. It’s complicated so please let me explain:

It hurts my heart so much to know they use alcohol to forget and run away from their problems. That they are hurting so much they have to get so fucked up to feel happy.

My best friend is unpredictable, abusive, and extremely emotional when she drinks. When I see her go for the scotch I kno I’m in for a wild ride.

My dad verbally sexually assaults me when he’s drunk. I am always the DD and he brings beer in the car and drinks while I drive. Mind you I have a CDL and if we got pulled over I’d be fucked and he knows that.

A friend confesses he loves me and wants me to have his babies when he’s drunk and completely ignores me when he’s sober.

To talk about me: I feel my addiction isn’t as bad as there’s bc most the time I use with one friend or I use by myself and just listen to music the whole time. Since I stay in my house I feel like I’m not hurting anyone.

I also can not stop Talking about my emotions or trauma when I’m high. I get so emotional. It is the only time I feel like I can talk about my emotions bc I’ve always been taught bad things happen when I talk about my emotions to the people who are supposed to care about me. So I feel like my addiction is the opposite of my alcoholics.

I’m also mad bc everyone expects me to quit using when they drink themselves to death. I kno I need to quit and I want to it’s just so god damn hard. But why do they get to tell me what to do and pass judgement on me and they can keep on killing themselves and abuse me???

Thoughts?