So my (32f) husband (34m) seems to have a drinking problem, and I've just found hidden shooters for the first time. Though I've suspected him of having hidden alcohol many times when he's drunk beyond the amount I've seen or he claims he drank.

To my knowledge and belief (and according to his general character), he does NOT drink at work, only home. Usually only on weekends. He is not good at monitoring how much he drinks and definitely isn't the type to stop at one. As a young person he and all his friends drank to excess as a hobby so they've all seen him and each other in embarrassing situations or jail more than once. These same friends are still very much a part of our lives and generally I like them even if I do usually wonder how they manage the drinking without it causing obvious problems in their lives. They still drink and drive (using a pocket breathalyzer which I think isn't as accurate as they want to believe).

In the 10 years we've been married, my husband has never been in trouble with his job, his school, or other relationships because of his drinking (or because of anything really). His drinking really only seems to bother me (for intimate personal reasons) and by all appearances I'm the only one who has any problems with it. His parents don't like it but they're strictly against any alcohol for anyone based on religion. They live far from us and don't witness him drinking often and I don't know if they say anything to him (in the past they did but that was when he lived with them).

So what is this?? I don't think he fits the alcoholic diagnosis but he definitely has addictive tendencies and I definitely don't like finding hidden alcohol. When I confront or ask him about his drinking he will usually lie about it or insist he's fine/it's only 2 or 3 or 4 drinks/he doesn't feel drunk/other things that are hard to prove, or when he's sober he responds with a lot of shame, apologizes, things get better for several weeks, then the cycle repeats. As a rule I don't shame him or freak out (not anymore lol I had to learn), I calmly explain specifically how his drinking impacted me that time, and that's really all I do. When he's drunk I just don't engage and I tell him I love him and I'll talk to him in the morning.

I don't know how to classify this and I feel super guilty that apparently it's just me who has any problems with his drinking habits. I'll answer questions as I can.

I love him, I know he loves me, we are usually very happy, the drinking seems to be its own thing but I know nothing happens in a vacuum. He says he isn't depressed or anxious about anything, I am just very confused.