This is going to be a VERY long post. You're under no obligation to read it. I don't expect most people to finish it. But to those few who will stick with me all that way through to the end of this post, I hope the evidence of my great effort here will give you some idea of how much energy I would pour into a relationship. I'm taking this very seriously. I am speaking now to that woman who wants something different, who has seen what's on offer in the world and finds it wanting, that woman who, deep in her heart, longs for a meaningful adventure on a different road. I've always been my own man, gone my own way, done things differently than society thinks I should. And to that woman who fits the above description I have some things to say.

To begin with, I'm not one for beating around the bush, so I will state this plainly and upfront: I am looking for a wife. Not just a life partner. Not just a soulmate, but a wife--a wife not just in lifestyle but in name. If you're closed to the idea of legal matrimony, if "for better or worse, in sickness and health, unto death do we part," isn't a vow you someday intend to make and keep, I'm not for you. Marriage gets a lot of static these days; it's being called an outdated, useless, empty institution. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course. But I seek someone whose opinion aligns with mine, that the legal confines of marriage are an extension of the moral confines of monogamy, that the institution itself implies your level of commitment to a person is so strong you've made it legal, so that breaking it is that much harder. And I say all of this as a man who was married for 17 years. My marriage was very strange and, as it turns out, dysfunctional (I'll say more about that in private), but it did show me that the married lifestyle is for me. “There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” The Odyssey. Homer. Truth. I long for that. I long for monogamy. Seems like the whole world is going poly these days. You'll find implacable monogamy here. I believe monogamy provides the safest social environment a human can achieve. Within the confines of monogamy, where there is trust and security, a soul can relax and thrive. So, if marriage and monogamy aren't your bag, you should jump ship here.  

I suppose that should be followed by this: I am childfree and I intend to stay that way. The short of it is I don't like kids (but I like moms; figure that one out). I don't know how to interact with kids and I don't want to know. I'm not interested. They make me uncomfortable. So, again, if you're not committed to a quiet childfree life, you should jump.

With that out of the way, I guess I should share some things about myself.

ABOUT ME. I'm 5'6, brown hair, brown eyes, and slightly chubby of belly. I'm an INFP Slytherin. My birthday is November 22 (I actually turn 47 next month). I have three tattoos, two of them are Grateful Dead images (the Dead are my religion). I'm an extremely introverted hermit whose outlook borders on misanthropy. For the most part, I don't really like other people. I vastly prefer animals. And of animals, I vastly prefer cats. My cat Archie died a few months ago and it was a terrible loss for me. I suppose when I'm done mourning him I will get another cat. I'm an Anglophile, a pluviophile, and a lover of grey, gloomy weather. The sun is my enemy. I work in the writing/publishing industry, and my job is 100% remote. I'm non-religious (atheist) and utterly apolitical (most Deadheads are). I'm horrifically profane and I don't have much use for social restrictions. I am very well-read. I love history (I have a BA in it) and documentaries (historical, science, true crime) and comedy (Louis CK, Jim Jefferies, Ricky Gervais, Dave Chappelle) and Xbox (Prey, Portal, QUBE, Talos Principle, Little Nightmares) and binging shows (British crime, horror, drama) and books (Stephen King, Ken Follett, George RR. Martin, JK Rowling) and old movies from the 40s and Harry Potter and Star Wars and LOTR and traveling and being a homebody/hermit. I LOVE going to restaurants. I play guitar and piano and used to be in bands, 25 years ago. I love grocery stores and get absolutely giddy in them. I love to cook and I love women who love to cook. I'm at home 90% of the time and I'm just fine with that. I live a very quiet, settled, boringly predictable life, and again, I'm just fine with that. I sowed all my oats as a young man and now I'm ready for domestic peace and relaxation. Some ancient Greek playwright said the good and wise lead quiet lives and the man was spot on. I'd rather have a book and roaring flames in the fireplace than all the diversions of Babylon.

The truth is, from my earliest moments of coherence as a little boy up to the day my previous marriage fell apart, all I EVER wanted to be in life was a husband. Nothing else mattered to me. It was like... a calling, I guess. Even as a boy I watched how husbands and wives interacted and knew that that was what I wanted. In my early 20s I read almost every book about love and relationships and marriage that I could get my hands on. I learned my love languages very early. I met my ex wife when I was 28, married her the next year, and was with her for almost 17 years before the whole thing abruptly came crashing down. I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, mistakes that cost me, mistakes that I learned from. I went through a terrible grieving process afterward. And then, when enough healing took place, I tried the dating scene and found it horrifically unsuitable for me.

So now, as a man who still feels this calling to be a husband, having been single, then married, then divorced, then in grief, then in recovery, and then in the dating scene, I have learned SOOOO much about what I want, what I don't want, what works, what doesn't work, and what needs to happen to actually make a marriage work. Here's something I've learned: marriages fail because they begin wrong. The entire premise of romantic love in the 21st century is completely erroneous, and that faulty premise is causing a lot of confusion, pain, grief, and divorces. I have a vision for something different. Something that draws upon the lost wisdom of our ancestors, something that by its very nature lays a foundation for something much, much stronger than most relationships today ever experience. So if any of what I've said so far has made you curious, come talk to me. I will share my vision with you.

I will leave you with this advice. Stop looking for your soulmate. You will never find one by looking. Soulmates aren't found. They are crafted over time between two people who are willing to do the work of that crafting.