IF you meet the following criteria, I guarantee you that I will be hopelessly in love with you within a week...

• you are able to have deep and interesting discussions on many topics
• you value monogamy
• you are childfree and intend to remain so
• you are open to an LDR beginning with a together and happily in love finish and are willing to do whatever it would take, as I would, for us to eventually cohabitate.
• you believe that relationships are built by spending as much time together as possible
• you are introverted, socially awkward, and a homebody (that last one is VERY important)
• you have a nerd in you, and love Harry Potter and LOTR and GOT and Star Wars and the like
• you can cook and actually enjoy it (I'm a fairly good cook myself)
• you are a cat person
• you can make me laugh (this one you cannot know just yet, I realize)
• you sleep on the right side of the bed (sorry)
• you wear glasses
• you would describe your butt as being on the larger side
• you know your love languages well and can communicate them
• you have known trauma or grief of loss on a level enough that you have suffered (I could never relate to anyone who hasn't suffered. Such a person would never truly understand anything about the man they're talking to)
• you will send me funny GIFS and pics and cat videos or whatever song you're listening to because in so doing you're sharing yourself
• you can handle a severely peculiar man whose mind flirts between brilliant profundity and orc-like stupidity on the hour, a man of darkness who has journeyed and is journeying toward the light, an often crusty and cranky misanthropic curmudgeon who, if you scratch the paint off, has a soft and loving but severely wounded heart

If that is you, please talk to me. I don't care where in the world you are from, what your skin color is, whether you're fat or thin. I don't care what you've done or how many bodies are buried or why you might think you don't deserve love. I don't care if you're disabled or whether you're a winner or a loser. IF what I described is you... you must talk to me. And give me a chance to shoot my shot. And I got one. I got a shot right here. I'm just waiting.