This is long, and unless you read all of it, I don’t recommend messaging me.

I think I might get downvoted right through the floor for this. But I greatly hope this is taken in the spirit it is intended. The spirit of education and a desire for experience. I’m quite tired being horny and demisexual at the same time. Endless frustration.

I have been thinking about this for a long time, and I am finally deciding to give it a shot. It will probably seem ridiculous to most; the plot to a cheesy romance, or thinly veiled ruse in the place of wanting an actual relationship. But to me, the difference here is how I’m posting it, the perspective I have and how I’m exposing my vulnerabilities upfront. So here goes.

I’ll be happy to expand upon more of my interests and qualities, but here are what I deem the most important for you to know upfront. I’m single (and monogamous). I’m a heterosexual woman. I’m intelligent and extraordinarily insightful (to illustrate this point, the only therapist I’ve ever worked well with is one who typically only sees other therapists). I’m attractive. I have lots of curves to love (particularly in the thigh and derrière). But I’m also a very sexual being who has never had sex. I have experience but I’m insecure in myself and my abilities. I want more experience. That is, I want more without the pressures and expectations of sex and the drama/strings that go with it. I’ll explain further if you ask.

I have quite a bit to offer: a curious mind; an abiding interest in trying new things; a desire to be educated; deep and loyal friendship; mischief, sass, adorability, more... I’m looking for someone who might have a similar interest…similar in that you might like to show me, help me explore the art of sex, seduction and relationship.

The catch: I value getting to know someone (very) well on a personal, non-physical level before diving into anything physical. I want to be comfortable with you and trust you, and to do that, I want to relate to you on a level that goes far beyond simple small talk. Demisexual and sapiosexual are the words I’d use. But first and foremost, I want to truly be friends that have benefits.

So, down to brass tacks. What I’m looking for in a man:

• Local to Philadelphia (up to 90m driving range). I don’t do long distance and this is meant to eventually be physical.
• Older, experienced gentleman (45-59, but not opposed to younger if you can TRULY say the other things I’m looking for is true for you)
• Someone who enjoys teaching and being with a curious mind
• Life experience
• Patient
• Quick to smile and laugh
• Stability
• Emotionally mature
• Genuinely kind
• A man’s man (by this, I mean you’re as comfortable chopping wood in the backcountry as you are donning a classy outfit for dinner)
• No hesitation about trying new things

While I believe that there is (far) more to compatibility than looks (an ultimately that is what makes a relationship last), I do want someone I find physically attractive for this, so here are some ideas of what I like: tall, broad shoulders, strength (I’m a voluptuous, pear-shaped woman and don’t want to feel like I’d break you). I go especially weak in the knees for square jaws, piercing eyes, hairy chests, beard and veiny hands/forearms).

Bonus points: Dark hair with silver at the temples Scottish accent

So there it is, for better or worse. Let’s see if this was a genius idea, insanity, or simply a failed idea.