I expect to get downvoted to the earth for this and I don't care, it’s something I feel strongly about. When I first began dating my boyfriend, we had many wonderful experiences that were soured by strangers who felt entitled to comment on our relationship. We’ve been judged by everyone from groups of moms on Laguna Beach to a man at Lollapalooza who outright called my boyfriend a pedophile—all because of an age gap. Even when we’re out at a restaurant, it’s hard to fully enjoy our time together because of the whispers and stares.

I joined this subreddit hoping to find support from people in age-gap relationships who understood these challenges. I thought it would be a place to find like-minded individuals, a community where we could talk openly about our experiences without judgment. But unfortunately, I’ve often seen the same kind of judgment here. Comments like, “I hate to say it, but sometimes I think we over-normalize age gaps” get tons of upvotes, while supportive comments like “I love seeing happy age-gap relationships” get downvoted.

So my question is: what is the “acceptable” age gap, and who gets to decide this? If both partners are consenting adults, why is this even an issue?

There’s a persistent assumption that age-gap relationships are inherently problematic—that a younger-looking person must be underage or somehow being “groomed” if there’s a noticeable difference in age. This tunnel vision is frustrating and often completely unfounded. For instance, I’m frequently mistaken for someone younger, even in places like smoke shops where I have to show ID, and then it becomes a laughable misunderstanding. But online, people don’t give the benefit of the doubt; they assume, judge, and comment.

If someone genuinely believes there’s an issue of legality or safety, fine—get involved in that kind of work professionally. But when it comes to consenting adults sharing their happiness in a public forum, unsolicited, critical opinions just perpetuate unnecessary stigma. I didn’t join this subreddit to feel unwelcome or judged; I joined to find support. The constant negativity is pushing people out of spaces where they should feel safe and accepted.