A lot of the post on this reddit sound encouraging and reading through them reminds me of better times. My first experience with an age gap relationship was not so successful but I definitely don’t have many regrets. I (M43) met my now ex (F23) on a BDMS site a few years back. I didn’t really set out to meet someone so much younger but we clicked and she was beautiful so I continued to correspond with her for a couple of months. We wrote each other long, thoughtful letters every few days to get to know each another, even though we lived in the same city. Eventually we agreed to meet for dinner and we hit it off from the start. We both felt like we had known each other for years. Sex was incredible and left us both in utter disbelief. Our relationship quickly blossomed into something solid and stable as we got to know each other irl.

Things between us were great for a while. For the first time in a long time I was truly happy and in love and she reciprocated my feelings in every conceivable way. The age gap bothered me a little at first but I got over it quickly.

Her parents were seemingly okay with everything. They resided in a different country so I only met them on several occasions when they visited. Her mother saw that I treated her daughter well so she didn’t seem to mind the age gap. I also look younger than most men my age which helped. Her father seemed to tolerate me mostly for his daughter’s benefit. I didn’t hold that against him.

I should also mention that her family came from considerable wealth. I’m well educated and my career is on a solid tack but these people had considerable wealth and all the problems that came along with it. It made me feel uncomfortable at times.

I would say things begun to unravel when her parents made her take on way too much responsibility. I won’t go into details but it was far too much for any college girl in a science program to handle. There was nothing I could do to alleviate the matter.

She definitely struggled under the pressure despite being quite academically gifted. Our relationship faired well despite it all until she got into an accident and suffered a concussion. There was definitely some signs of trauma but she was getting the treatment she needed. We started planning a trip to visit her family abroad. She told me how excited she was to show me off to her extended family. Her mother brought me a book about her homeland.

About a month after her accident I had to travel abroad on business. I was away for several weeks halfway across the world. We were 12 hours apart so it wasn’t always possible to check in on her every day but we kept in contact whenever we could. Shortly before my return I called her to confirm our trip plans so I could make the necessary arrangements at work. She seemed different and audibly distressed. She told me she was upset about a conversation she had with her father and that the trip details were yet to be finalized. When I got home, a couple of days later she left a barely audible message on my phone stating she was breaking up with me.

I tried to reach out to her several times but my efforts were futile. A couple of agonizing days later I got hold of her brother who told me that she hasn’t left her room in days. I was really worried about her. She eventually agreed to meet with me but wouldn’t offer much of an explanation. She didn’t seem like the same person.

I tried to make sense of things over the course of the following months. It wasn’t my first breakup and I wasn’t trying to get her back. I was mostly just worried about her. I sent her a few emails that she agreed to reply to. I sent her mother a few choice words to ensure her daughter was properly taken care of because communication was sparse in that family. Time passed. Answers never came. Life moved on.

I’m total, we were together for about a year and a half. A couple of years after the breakup we reconnected for a brief while. We mostly just fucked for a few months because that was the most honest and direct way to communicate with her. Once again we found each other in utter disbelief about how incredibly well we clicked in bed. Then her mother showed up, grad school aspirations rose to prominence, and reality checked back in so we parted ways for good.

In retrospect, I definitely ignored some major red flags. I’ll review some of them here in case you find yourself in a similar situation.

• The first took place maybe 8 months into the relationship. She had to ask her parents for permission to go away with me to Italy for my birthday. I have to admit, that one definitely made me question some things but I was in too deep.

• She displayed some signs of BPD which I definitely ignored at the time. I’m a dreamer and an optimist so I brushed off the signs as temporary and insignificant.

• She didn’t have many friends and drama followed her around at school. She was also quick to dismiss people. I never dreamed I’d become one of them.

• She adored her father a little too much. The man exerted way too much control over her and he was quite calculating in his ways. He definitely played her like a fine fiddle.

• Her parents dumped way too much responsibility on her and she did nothing to oppose them despite constantly voicing her dismay to me.

• Her family was far too hung up on appearances. She wasn’t much of a socialite herself but she was far too dependent on her parents.

• I’m sure there were many other red flags I ignored. I’m my defence, that woman was a helluva drug and I was an addict.

In closing, was the juicy lemon worth the squeeze? Yes. Despite the painful breakup, the good times far outweighed the bad. She was the closest thing I have experienced to a muse. She inspired me. At times her presence was intoxicating and I’m glad I got a chance to live through it all.

Would I do it again? I am still open to AGR’s although I dated mostly women closer in age since then. However, I would no longer consider dating anyone under 25. Graduating from college is a critical fork in the road. A few years to settle into adulting allows for a better foundation for something meaningful that has a far better chance of lasting, in my humble opinion.

Anyway, hope some of you find some value in my reflection.