Hi all. I’m new here.

I’ve been looking back on my life and several years ago I realized I had missed my chance to have kids of my own. When I was 25 I had the opportunity but didn’t feel I was ready; when at 35 I felt I was ready I didn’t have the opportunity. I raised stepkids for a decade following that - and that was great! - but she could not have more, and anyway the relationship fell apart due to other issues.

I’d given up hope.

But a few weeks ago I met someone - mostly online but we’ve met in person too - who has one 3yo child and wants a couple more. Our goals seem very closely aligned, we seem to communicate well, and it appears once we can clear some pandemic-related logistical hurdles we’re going to rapidly proceed with joining our lives.

I’m by nature a very open minded an egalitarian man, while she is very much looking to be in the traditional gender role of Wife and Mother. We’re in the US Pacific Northwest, I’m from here and she’s recently moved here from the east coast.

I have never seriously contemplated the idea of a relationship with a 23 year age gap. (10? Sure. But 20 ?! Wow!) I’m still wrapping my head around the idea that what I’ve wanted for decades is within reach. And I’m very eager to not screw it up!

So, I’d like to learn from you all, to hear some suggestions and advice from both older men and younger women, especially from those with a similar age gap who have had kids together. What issues arise from this situation in your experience? What successes or failures, and how did you overcome them (or not)?

Thanks!

Edit: sadly, this has fallen apart. But I’m still grateful to have this world of possibility revealed to me! Time to go on the hunt with intent...