Hi all,

I'm new to all of this. Tbh this might not be considered much of an age gap because the gap isn't as large as others on here.

I'm 28 M My Fiancee is 28F My supervisor/brat and potential girlfriend is a 22F.

When my fiancee and I first got together we were fully aware that eventually we might run into a block where we can't fully meet each others needs. It's part of being different people the eventually there are things we can't do for one another. As a result we decided to have an open relationship, as in open to change without departure. We viewed things through the lens that true love and all that garbage was for the movies and not truly realistic. Maybe it's nihilism, maybe it's being hurt too much in the past maybe it's Maybelline but that's what I thought.

I met my supervisor about half a year ago. Nothing really sparkling to it. I heard her name and, this might sound odd, but it was an ugly name so I thought she would be ugly, old and, bitter despite being told how awesome she is. She's beautiful. She's smart. I get lost in conversations with her because of how engaged she makes me feel. She loves fitness and makes me want to be more fit myself. I'm not out of shape per se but I could definitely be more in shape.

As I got to know her I started developing feelings for her. I early on that we are not going to develop feelings for each other and she agrees. And that's exactly what happened. As if we weren't flirting every time she left. Eventually she threw a tantrum(more on that word choice later) and I felt bad for feeling like I lost her. She even went so far as to try to report me to HR. Unfortunately for her I did the same and as a result they declared this "argument" a personal matter.

Side note: the flirting is pretty objective at this point, but I didn't realize it when we started. Basically she'd tell me that she's leaving. Then she'd stay and talk some more. This became a pattern so I'd call her a liar every time she'd tell me she's leaving. We'd have a brief back and forth until she actually left. Some back and forths were more brief than others but it never lasted more than an hour.

We eventually patched things up and got even closer. One day I showed up to work and we started talking about sex, not one of our usual topics. I danced around telling her but eventually I said fuck it and told her that she always struck me as a brat. She confirmed and I got so overwhelmed that I face-planted into my lunchbox until she left. It. Was. Awesome.

Being a brat is something that my fiancee cannot do for me. She's a good girl and our dynamic is very nature/nurture. If we have to talk about something we talk about it. If we want to talk about something we talk about it. Communication makes the world go round and this woman is the sun in which this world orbits. Needless to say she knows that I want to try a more power-fantasy dynamic but she's scared of being mean. That being said whenever I tell her about my brat's behavior she doesn't get it.

Now things are genuinely looking like we might be together and I've started talking about her with friends from my self-defense class. These talks were serious discussions and always start with me taking it from the top so they don't jump to conclusions. One of my instructors (52M) was appalled at first but within a few minutes realized that he was thinking about the age gap from his age and not mine. Relative to my age (28 if you forgot) it's really not that big.

My other instructor (52F) was not so kind. For one thing I want to sign my brat up because of something that scared me not long ago. My instructor said that she'll teach my brat but she will not let her be a member of the community because my fiancee was there first. She also fully jumped to conclusions, despite my precautions, and accused me of cheating. My fiancee knows about my brat btw. She's known the entire time I talk about work and my brat takes up the majority of the discussion despite only seeing her for 15-20 minutes on average.

Side note no. 2: The amount of things that went wrong in this discussion has admittedly become a small obsession for me but, that just means I have plenty to talk about in therapy.

I have lost a lot of trust in this one instructor for how she is seemingly perceiving me. I haven't told her about the age gap yet but I don't think it'll go well if/when I do. I'm worried I might have to leave the school if my brat and I become a thing.

Here's the last bit. One day at work I told my brat I think I developed feelings for her. I have a potential job lined up and basically said fuck it. Ever since I face-planted she's only been getting brattier and I'm kinda sick of beating around the bush about having feelings for her. On the one hand it was nice having to find new ways to say "I love you" but on the other hand there are plenty of times where I just wanted to say it.

Not long after my brat announced that she's joining the Army. I feel like I have to choose between my fiancee and my brat and I'm running out of time. I want to do whats best for my peace and choose my fiancee but I know that if I do I'll mourn the loss of the relationship with my brat like a genuine breakup, maybe worse. At this point I'm being melodramatic about a potential breakup but I don't want to lose either of them.

My fiancee is open to having a new partner in addition to me but since my brat and I aren't an official thing we can't have that discussion. I'm tempted to ask her out before she leaves to open those doors.

Does anyone on here have any experience in a multiple partner situation?

Does anyone on here have any experience being a new Dom/daddy? (I'm not sure which I am to her tbh)

Is there anything wrong with me asking her out outside of the standard workplace romance/conflict of interest?

Are there any red flags I'm missing from a Brat/Dom POV?