My boyfriend and I have been going through a period in which we have been fighting a lot more than normal. We went on our first date in September of last year and have been official since November of last year. Some of these fights have gotten very heated in the moment but we’ve still been able resolve the argument and we feel good about it (well I can’t speak for him obviously, but I get the sense that he feels that way). However, there are now three arguments we’ve had that have been sort of catastrophic. One was at the end of August, one was about two weeks ago, one was two nights ago. I’m not sure I want to detail those arguments right now for privacy reasons, but I also understand that makes giving advice harder so I may come back and edit this.

At the end of the day the fights have all been caused by very different circumstances, but I sort of feel like at the heart of all of the is a lack of consideration for me and my feelings. I brought that up yesterday, and it made him furious, but he also admitted I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I truly feel awful that I hurt him, that’s never my primary intention, but I can’t keep things that bother me quiet. And I honestly feel like him always making stuff about him (like I complain about something that bothers me in the relationship and the conversation becomes about how that hurts him and makes him feel bad) is kind of manipulative.

In between all those fights are some of the best times I’ve ever had. When things are good I am so so happy, but when things are bad I feel like I’m going to be sick to my stomach and I’m sobbing. And the change happens very quickly.

I just don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to break up with him, I love him so much. But I can’t continue these fights, they’re genuinely affecting the rest of my life. What would you do in this situation? Thanks in advance for all your advice.

TLDR: my boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot, I don’t want to stop standing up for myself and how I think I should be treated, but I don’t want to keep fighting