I’m a 50F that thought her sex life was over after divorce, after menopause, and I was (mostly) ok with that. I’m at my oldest and fattest, and I had a good amount of sexual fun when I was younger and fitter. But damn, I missed it. Now that I was single (and possibly due to menopause hormones), I was hornier than ever.

To pass the time I started watching k-dramas on Netflix. OMG! Those beautiful Asian men! I knew the romance and stories of the plot lines were total fantasy, but I was obsessed. 😍 I also started loving k-pop boy bands (and other Asian male performers) and just totally immersed myself in it all- Korean culture, the language, the food… I loved it.

I wanted it. Those beautiful younger men who would never have looked at me even when I was myself younger… Even just a taste.

I live in an area where, while there are young Asian men around, there aren’t really enough where I could find exactly what I was looking for (and who would be into an older, chubby white woman) so I went to the dating apps and cast my net wide. I knew this was just a silly game, but my horny brain and imagination knew no bounds!

And then I landed him. 27m, he lived kind of far away but he was Asian and beautiful and very very DTF. In every possible way he fulfilled my fantasies. He fucked me for so long, my pussy went numb. For months we met up and fucked for hours- his beautiful cock down my throat, or pounding me from every angle we could come up with. I suppose I was fulfilling his fantasies, too, because we tried a lot of porn-inspired things, and he absolutely loved how he could cum inside me since I’m post-menopausal and can’t get pregnant anymore. His rebound time after cumming was mere minutes! He’d be hard again and ready to go. My pleasure was his pleasure, and his was mine. We were an ouroboros of desires.

He was rough when I wanted him to be and he was gentle and loving when I needed it. He became my stress relief when work got difficult for me, and we even became texting pals and would work life problems together.

He was, in every way possible, the best lover I’ve ever had. That beautiful body, that huge hard cock has ruined me for any other man.

I broke up with him because I was falling in love. Our agreement was to be fwbs, but now I wanted more. I recognized this was ridiculous- I’m almost 2x his age and he wanted a wife and family someday. I broke it off so that I didn’t get even more invested in him, thinking it would be better to break my own heart now rather than get dumped someday for a younger, prettier woman.

I miss him so much. I’ve had to unfeiend his social media and block his number because I’ve so often gotten close to texting and begging him to come back. I keep telling myself, he didn’t feel the same. I was just a set of convenient holes for him to fuck. I know he liked me, but he didn’t want things to become more serious. And honestly, neither did I. I didn’t mean to fall in love! I couldn’t help it. He’s perfect.

So that’s my confession. I’m alone and aching for him and doing my best to resist. It would hurt even more to reach out and get shot down. So I’m trying to find another lover… no man will ever measure up, but at least I can keep myself occupied. 😏