I just wrote this comment in another post about being attracted to a younger waitress and I felt really passionate about sharing my experience as I was writing it. (I’ve edited for clarity if you haven’t visited the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/MUWnaBoD2X)

I’m the younger woman in my AGR. I never sought out older men and neither had my partner solely been interested in younger gals. I don’t necessarily want to write my experience as, “heY It wOrkEd For mE, lalala,” but I don’t want to devalue my experience, nor do I want to rebuke the valid hesitation of the men who expressed that it’s inappropriate or dangerous.

I met my beloved when I worked at a coffee shop. He was a sporadic regular and would occasionally flirt with me, though I mostly brushed it off as another flirtatious person in response to my friendly demeanour (whether or not being good at customer service results in a better tip—some of us are just like that naturally, irrespective of tips). I’m also bad at knowing the difference between friendliness and flirtatiousness so I was certainly naive to his attraction to me.

We had fun banter like I do with most other folks, and he dropped the hint that he’d like my number. I didn’t think much of it and he came back a few times and we carried on as normally. Eventually he directly asked for my number, and I tentatively gave it to him. I didn’t feel pressured, though I became cognisant of possible nefarious intentions, and I knew I could get out of it easily if he was weird. But he was only ever pleasant in my company, and I’d encountered the far-too-friendly patron often enough to gauge the lack of warning signs with him. We went for a drink a week or two later and it was clear that there was an underlying chemistry and we fell hard and fast for one another.

Idk about the rules of flirting with, and/or trying to become involved with, a younger hospitality worker. I can see the hesitation and I don’t think that’s wrong, but I read a comment that mentioned chemistry and I think that’s a big part of a mutually attracted courtship. Navigating that is beyond me, but I’m delighted that my fella expressed an interest because I couldn’t imagine how my life would be now if he hadn’t.

I suppose, just be kind, practice sensibility, don’t expect too much, and most importantly, read reciprocal and nonreciprocol signals. Chemistry might be there for one and not the other, but I would hope that the dynamic would make itself apparent rather rapidly.