[I have posted this previously but have included some extra information and updates]

For some context I used to post some not very safe-for-work content on Reddit (different account)

October 1st 2022 I received a message from an American man (I am British) asking if I accepted gift cards, seeing as I posted content for fun I promptly declined his request although it was nothing out of the ordinary for me at the time. Despite me declining we ended up talking for a few hours, sending videos and pictures to one another, which again wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. Eventually we moved over to different social medias and began talking even more frequently, essentially every day. He told me that he was 40 years old originally, however admitted that he was actually 43 which I had no issue with (I was 19). He also said that he was single, not married, and had no children.

We continued talking for a few months and eventually followed each other on Twitter. I’m not sure if this sounds creepy or not but I searched through essentially all of his tweets and found plenty talking about a supposed wife and children. At first I didn’t bring it up to him, however a month later I brought it up during a small argument. He admitted to me that he did have children, but that his wife had died in a car accident a few years earlier. I know it seems obvious now, but at the time I truly wanted to believe that he wasn’t cheating on his wife.

As time went on little things began to not add up, his age went from 40 to 43 to 45 to 47. So it was adamant that he was lying to me about his age, however I played it off and just assumed he felt awkward about the large age gap between us. I eventually found out his real name through stalking his other social medias, even finding out his last name which is crucial. He had lied to me previously about his name however I didn’t tell him about my new discovery, from previous conversations about his “dead” wife I searched her first name and his last name and found her social medias (I knew it was her because of pictures he had sent). She had posted on Facebook in 2020, which doesn’t add up with the timeline of her death and, when I went back to look at his twitter, I found that the tweets mentioning his wife were also relatively recent. I’m pretty certain that she is alive for a few other reasons too, including several slip ups that he has had during conversation with me.

I decided to take a look at his original Reddit account and found that I was not the only girl he was talking to (or at least attempting to talk to), I also found some comments of his on NSFW trans and gay posts (although I am fairly certain that he is into women too). This wasn’t necessarily a shock to me as he had talked about sexting with other women and even meeting up with them (when his wife was supposedly dead), including showing me pictures and text messages between them. I think the worst thing I found on his account was a picture of him having sex with a woman on his account, I believe that this could be his wife (due to skin tone, etc) and I highly doubt that she consented to these pictures being put online.

The issue is that I’m unsure if I should let her know or not, not because I’m afraid of losing him but rather because I do not want to break up their family. Their daughters are 14 and 16 and I know it would absolutely destroy them if their parents split up, but I also believe it’s extremely unfair for his wife to be cheated on multiple times throughout the years.

I contacted her through Facebook messenger (not revealing anything to her yet) but have received no response at the moment. I’m really second guessing myself and don’t know how to continue. He also has my phone number and my full legal name, I really do not want to get dragged into this whole issue but I think I’m the only one who knows about this.

TL;DR: a man I met online two years ago is cheating on his wife, should I let her know with the risk of breaking up their family?