I have often thought that there was something wrong with me. Having grown up watching movies with Cary Grant and seeing how much younger his costar was to him I suppose it wasn’t as weird to me. My first time I did something sexual with an older man (it was S D Related)I did confide in a close friend. She was not happy. She was really worried for me. She was very panicked for me. She was afraid I had gotten myself into a bad situation. That was several years ago and since then, I’ve felt unsatisfied. I have gone on dates with different college guys and have been in a relationship with someone actually younger than me. I’ve realized I struggle with both sexual and emotional attraction to boys my own age. I don’t really know why I am the way that I am, but I realized I really just can’t change it…

I think I like older men for a few reasons. Older men are more stable and reliable, less selfish. This isn’t all of them. Of course I have met a few bad apples. Those experiences were really unpleasant. I think a huge factor is they provide some sort of comfort for me, mentally. It makes me cringe when people bring up “daddy issues”, and I don’t know any of the psychology behind that. My own relationship with my dad is difficult. It’s not necessarily that he was overly mean. It’s just he was kind of always absent.

Despite all of the good in my life, and everything I am incredibly grateful for, I do sometimes feel overworked, alone, and forgotten. So for me, I think the idea of having someone with both parental and paternal instincts, to sort of “look out for me in a way”-that’s comforting to me. To provide a sense of security and for someone to appreciate and applaud the work I do.

I’ve learned I cannot get sexually intimate until I have an emotional connection with someone. I just visualize having some great person in my life to be in my corner, and for someone I can fall back on. Someone to call each day, and to hold me/caress my hair. I absolutely love being embraced into a big hug. In a weird way I don’t know why I’ve just always pictured someone who’s a lot older than me in my maladaptive daydreaming.