I’m looking for advice, perspectives, and nuance. Maybe something I’m not seeing?

I (35F) have been dating my partner (54M) for 2.5 years. We are both polyamorous and kinky people. We practice kitchen-table style poly.

He has recently begun seeing someone new (20F). They met for kinky play and it’s been going well and he’s told me he’s open to considering more with her if it continues to grow that way. Due to personal discomfort and my lived experience being an AFAB person growing up, I feel uncomfortable when he seeks out people younger than 25-26. He hasn’t done much of that during the time we have been dating, so it hasn’t come up much. He had some bad experiences with play with younger folks blowing up in his face around when we met so he had started skewing older (late 20s to 30s) and I guess I had told myself that was how it was going to be and got comfy with that.

Well, it’s come up now. And I feel stuck on just how young this person is. The feelings coming up for me are discomfort, and admittedly some ick-factor. It’s creating a conflict in my head of the person I know this man to be, and my judgements about a person who would seek out someone that young. He has a daughter the same age.

He is in therapy and very emotionally aware. I know him to be a caring and kind person, and a skilled and knowledgeable kink top. He has worked with his therapist to develop criteria for who he plays with to establish good matches regardless of age. I know and believe he is doing all he can to move thru the world and his relationships ethically and with care.

And still… I keep thinking about it. Am I the asshole here cuz I am ruminating/stuck on the width of this age gap / how young the younger party is? I’m in an age gap myself and know folks who were in them from young ages and happy… I don’t know what to do with these feelings or how to proceed. Help?