Terrible weekend, full of shame and regret.

It started off great. I (43M) had her (21F) and her family over for dinner Saturday night. It went great, everyone had a great time and raved about my cooking skills.

Then they left, with her planning to spend the night... and it took the worst turn.

We watched a movie on the couch. At 1am I was tired and said let's go to bed. We had both consumed shots and cocktails throughout the night. I remember the argument starting because as i was trying to get her to get up her phone kept going off with texts from a guy friend of hers that I've been suspicious of for a few weeks (she had announced to me Thursday night that she was planning on sleeping at his house that night because "I don't have fuck all to do Friday"). Having just finalized a divorce in which my ex-wife carried on an affair for 3 years, I am still working on my trust issues and insecurity. I projected my insecurities on her, which is unfair and I know that.

During this, I raised my voice. She says it terrified her, and I feel horrible for making her feel that way. She suffered a panic attack and called our mutual friend to ask to be picked up, in the middle of a snow storm. I remember pulling her in for a hug during her panic attack, and trying to hold her from leaving. She felt that I was being aggressive, and I don't mean to discount or invalidate her feelings but that was not my intent.

She now says she never wants to talk to me again. I feel so ashamed and regretful for all of this.