I recently had a conversation with a young lady (18F) about morality surrounding age gap relationships.

For context, I'm not dating or sleeping with this woman but we share similar interests and kinks so conversations are usually pretty interesting.

She's recently started seeing a guy about 3 years her senior.. and is experiencing a lot of the things (sexually) she's always wanted to try.

A few of her friends noticed some of her bruises (which she is very proud of) and warned her about the dangers of "older" men... as this college junior could be manipulating her into doing the acts that she's always wanted to do.

Without going into much detail she essentially said that she will sleep with older guys but she feels it's morally improper to date men 5 years older than herself because they're at completely different stages of life.

I found myself disagreeing but understanding. I guess where my resistance to that idea comes in is.. "how do you define stages of life?" What is the bar?

Say you graduate college at 22 and meet an 18year old just entering college.. that's technically two different stages of life.. is it morally improper to date? (She said yes).. and if it's morally improper.. what morals.. whose morals are being violated?

To me.. it felt like this vague idea of morality was being driven by precanned ideas about the "ABCs of life".. In other words the set path most people are expected to follow... rather than any critical thought or experience with the messiness of interpersonal relationship and life.

It was very.. "I feel icky because of the age difference" this is what confused me. On one hand she didn't want judgement for sleeping with someone barely older than herself.. but on the other... she seemed more than willing to judge age gaps when it came to romantic pursuits..

Don't get me wrong, I get it. I personally wouldn't date anyone 15 to 20 years older than myself now.. because it feels differences in "stages of life" would be more apparent for myself... but ultimately how much does that matter if your goals, interests and values align?

Do you really have to be in the same place in life as a partner? If so, why not limit yourself to someone with your exact birth year?

I'm not really seeking advice. I just found myself oddly unable to sus out the heart of what was being discussed.. so I'm here to speak it into a void.. hoping my thoughts/feelings on the subject will somehow take better form.

You see.. because in all of this I'm still unclear about morality surrounding age gaps.

At no point are you forcing anyone to be with you.. or robbing them of any opportunities. They are making the choice for themselves and as with most choices.. we deal with the repercussions after the fact.

But if we operate under the assumption that as the older partner you "should" be more aware of what they may or may not regret.. is it morally right to date them?