I’ve enjoyed lurking here and reading your posts so felt like I could speak my truth here and maybe find some support, answers, or at least provoke thought.

I’m a 58yo man and married to a girl 20 years younger. We are ENM and have excellent open, honest, communication. She knows I’m here and all about my attractions.

Why are older guys so stigmatized for being attracted to a younger woman? My assumption is because of idiots. I’m a believer in treating everyone with dignity and respect, but know there are plenty of assholes in the world. Do they fuck it up for everyone else?

I like to believe I’m a gentleman, a good guy, but also understand that I very well could be deluding myself. My wife knows me to be this, others as well. But not too long ago I told a younger girl I’d had a crush on her and a day or two later I was ambushed by a guy, threatening me for it. It was all verbal but threatening none the less. I accepted that I must have crossed a boundary so I have never returned to the area l regularly saw her. The LAST thing I’d ever want is to make someone feel uncomfortable. Nope!! I feel terrible that my confession was unwanted. I am sorry.

Since then I’ve held my words. I’m afraid to tell a woman she looks nice, pretty, etc. I don’t feel like I can compliment a woman of any age without potentially upsetting them, or making them feel threatened/uncomfortable.

It’s difficult to describe but I am attracted to youth, not underage hell no, not immature. When I see a college girl in the prime of her life, living like the young do, I am attracted. I think of myself as much younger than my physical years, I really can’t believe or accept my true age. I still do things that I did then, sports, etc, that all my equal age friends quit long ago. I’m stuck in my 20/30’s and those are the people I’m attracted to.

Do I just keep admiring others from afar and keep my mouth shut? Do I suppress my desires so as to not offend or threaten others? What’s so terrible about admitting a crush? Is it “bad” for me to do or is it today’s trend of getting offended more easily? Is it patriarchal? How can I say it, express it so that it is only seen as a compliment?

Thanks for listening.