After a year of dating, spending so much time with each others family and his kids, sailing together and being in multiple social circles, waking up to each other every morning, he dumped me last night on the basis that I can’t “control” my jealousy (catching him on swingers websites and Adult Friend Finder and him gawking/ogling at women in restaurants and completely changing his body language, you know normal things that would upset any normal self respecting person… I don’t know where jealousy necessarily comes in when you are being betrayed by a sex addict?)

In a few hours I leave for a several month long work commitment in Europe. The day I come back we are supposed to go camping across the country with his daughter and her friends (talked about this as recently as Friday night- he confirmed multiple times about me coming, suggested I pack a camping bag before leaving to go to the airport today). Taking graduate math courses also the week I return and I know I will not be in the right mind to focus and be successful.

Last week before I needed to officially be out of my apartment, he rented a truck and took my bed and living room furniture to the recycling center, reassuring me that our relationship isn’t going to change any time soon, that he wants to spend the rest of his short life with me. Said that moving my items to storage would be a waste of time and money. I have two coffee cups, a rug, and two drawers of clothes left.

Gave up my beautiful home walking distance from my university to live with him thirty minutes away. I take care of the house and cook and clean while I am in school. I have nowhere to go when I come home in July…. No family in the states… He says stay as long as I have to but I go to university in a town where leases are gone early in spring, so I will probably end up in a shelter.

I woke up from sleeping on the edge of the bed with no blanket - he wouldn’t touch me because he feels “not loving toward me” despite us being usually physically tied in a knot when we sleep together. Going to the airport in a few hours but I haven’t rested and my eyes are so puffy they look like they’ve been stung by bees. I have never felt this sad or betrayed.