Wasn't sure what to title this as many can probably relate. Feeling the gap in the way of insecurity and like we won't have enough time together. I'm not even 10yrs older than my partner. I've been in age gap relationships with 20 only I was the younger. And a couple lasting flings where I was older 20 So I'm definitely not new to this dynamic.

We are freshly in love and it's been heaven. The high is wearing off now and reality is creeping in a bit. Last night we were walking and this feeling of sadness gripped me, I wish I was younger to explore more of this life with this person. Then I got heady about it and what if'd myself into this morning with insecurities. What if they decide they want someone closer to their age? What if I start aging poorly all of a sudden? What if none of this real and solid?

Really I think it's just the newness wearing off and settling into who we are together. But the age thing is really gnawing at me. Part of me feels like is it fair to them to watch me get old and die? But we do that anyway with anyone. And there's no guarantee that I'll go before him. I don't know it's just very real today and will probably pass. Just wanted to vent and share.