What do I mean by small r? Well, many of the posts in this forum are rightly about long term relationships and the issues that an age gap brings to those. Relationships that are settled and hopefully for the long term are what I call 'big R' relationships. I wish well upon anyone embarking or hoping to embark on one of those.

There are others too - friends with benefits, unconventional liaisons, kink, some poly - all of which involve human interaction, emotions and friendship but without necessarily invoking the 'for ever' clause and it seems to me, those have a smaller 'r' associated with them. Even a one-night-stand (not my style, by the way) still usually involves some flirting, some passion, consummation and then perhaps eventual disappointment, and even on of those is some kind of relationship, maybe one with the smallest 'r' of all.

One of my earlier experiences with a substantial age gap came when I'd posted a personals ad and got a reply from someone in my town who was studying for a Master's degree in her subject. She said in terms that she would only be there for a year, wanted the intimacy, friendship and company of a lasting sexual relationship but was adamant that at the end of the year she'd be gone and that would be that, deep attachment would be neither required nor welcome.

The age gap, she said, for her, made it easier to see it as a shorter term thing and that was a specific part to the appeal for her. That suited me too at the time and it worked out as predicted, not only did she do what she said, we kept in touch and I'm still friendly with her and her (similar age) husband of several years.

I'm hugely supportive of people who want big R relationships. I'm also here gently pointing out, uncontroversially I hope, that there are other recipes for happiness and so I'm hoping we can say to people that if that's what you are looking for and that's what suits you, that's good too.

A big shout out for small r relationships as well, they bring joy and happiness too when they work out!