Hello Thirsty AP Seeker.  Have you been unsuccessfully perusing this desert only to find dusty conversation and a few extract bones sticking up out of the landscape?  Well let’s see if we can quench that thirst by showing you the Top 10 Reasons I’m the “Stanley Cup” of Affair Partners.

1. I am good at hiding something intoxicating.
2. If you drop me on the floor, I’ll make a loud noise.
3. I can frequently be found lurking about in Starbucks.
4. You’ll want to collect me.  But I’m limited edition.  Just reading this ad will make you experience FOMO.
5. Despite my sleek appearance I still won’t fit in your car’s cup holder.
6. I can survive a fire.  My sex life has been in ashes for years.
7. I fight Yetis.
8. I’m not dishwasher safe, but you might enjoy sponging me down. (Apologies:  that last one was just needlessly graphic innuendo.  Did I mention my sex life was in ashes?) 
9. I’m elitist and liberal and totally unnecessary.  But you’ll feel good having me around.
10. Some of you will be disappointed I’m not a hockey trophy.

So yes, please consider me your favorite, frivolous piece of sexy utility.  Here’s further detail about the model you’re acquiring - I’m 52 years old, white with a brown lid.  I’m a tallish cup at 6’0”.  Fit-ish, at 182 lbs (basically fit but with a small amount of margarita-induced squish), with a runner’s physique. I guess I resemble Bob Odenkirk?   Not a tall glass of water but perhaps a tall tumbler of Saul.  I’m comfortable in my skin, think I look good, and have been called handsome by someone other than my mom.  But you know … eyes … beholders … et al.  Happy to share a pic early.  I may put one in my profile temporarily.  Click and see if I was brave. Won't be there long.

Like a Stanley Cup, I’m built to travel.  I manage a nationwide team for a large corporation and if you live in (or near) a major city, there’s a reasonable chance we can connect in-person.  Please be amenable to this possibility because drinking is more fun when we’re together. 

As for you - I’m attracted to intelligence, wit, and humor.  Maybe you’re left leaning politically.  I’m flexible on most things but find myself being decreasingly less so in this department given where we’re at these days.  I like “fit” or “normal and working toward fit” … “fit-ish” if you will.  Let’s just say you strive for health but don’t entirely shy away from things that make us squishy.  

Age isn’t critical but if you’ve owned cassette tapes and shopped at Millers Outpost that might be cool. A zillion bonus points if you know who RCPM is without googling.

So maybe this sounds quenching to you?  If so, take a sip and send me a message!