Anglerfish engage in sexual parasitism. Living in the vastness of the deep ocean means that mates are few and far between. So in some species of anglerfish, the tiny male attaches himself to the much larger female using his sharp teeth. His head then dissolves into a sludge, fusing his body to hers. Their bloodstreams connect and he becomes a permanent parasite, available to release sperm whenever she is ready to spawn.

I know that was a dramatically romantic intro, but what can I say? I am a woman, after all.

I’m here seeking my own parasitic male, though I hope our bodies are more proportionate than described above. If you are intrigued, or just a lonely freak, please read on.

I’m short and strong, not thin but fit, and probably more tattooed than you. I certainly have a “look” that people either find irresistible or repulsive. So roll them dice, boys! I have a wide array of hobbies and interests, some of which we might share and many of which we may not. I’m weird, but not a weirdo, and I know the difference between the two. It would be great if you are also not a weirdo, have interests beyond the norm, and don’t refer to yourself as the “dad next door.” No offense to the dad who lives next door.

I’ll be visiting the UK for a few weeks this spring. A solo trip, as a gift to myself for my upcoming midlife crisis. Although I have no real conviction that a conversation here will lead to an in-person dalliance, I absolutely cannot resist the fantasy. If you’re an age appropriate dude from the UK who has a very specific fantasy of meeting an American woman who does a borderline offensive impression of your accent while sharing random animal facts, please write to me.

K. Love you. Bye.